I've been in a strange place for a while.
An uncontrollable desire to be alone, however while I'm alone, I constantly search for serendipitous company (then find it, and want to be alone, rinse and repeat).
I was cleaning up my HDD, as I just got an 8TB external to do offsite backups on (YAY, finally!) < clearly this is the important bit :P
And I stumbled across a txt file I wrote almost 10 years ago.
2009....I was going through a stressful time with my vision starting to be treated, not yet realizing that I was depressed (for the same reason).
I guess in a sentimental night, I'd written out a list of everyone important to me, and a quick note as to why they were.
Reading through it, they're all gone.
Not dead, but either betrayed me, left the country, broken up, or just became uncontactable.
I used to throw 110% of myself into friendships and even more into relationships, and I'd never noticed that 100% of those investments ended in net losses.
No wonder I stopped investing.
I'd never stopped and thought about why on earth I was having such a hard time feeling myself around people, and it's nice (well, bittersweet) to have some 'logic' behind it.
Nowadays I have plenty of 'friends' but almost 0 'family' if that makes sense.
And....I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet.... clearly it's a hard thing to change, but at least I'm aware now!
(txt files.... is there anything they can't do?)
Why am I telling you all this?
At0mic - That's why.
It's been a source of stability, friends, debate, education and so much more.
So thank you, to everyone, our evil admin, our gods, every mod, every member.
For all the late nights of iSketch, IRC rants, all the days of distraction instead of school work, all the years of learning, and all the memories of friendship.
You guys rock.
Here's to a better and more self aware new year for me!
Lets see if I can learn something this year :)
Edited by Master_Scythe, 03 January 2018 - 12:42 PM.