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As a non social media user - Mansplaining


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#1 Master_Scythe

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 04:01 PM

I don't use socials.

Thanks to this I often have the bliss of avoiding the "Lets attack X this week!"  (of which all genders, creeds, and races are guilty of doing).

Recently, shows like Tonightly (Tom Ballard) have brought this term to light....

Frankly, I'm a little confused how quite so much of this.... one sided shit, gets to be public.

 

I'm going to risk putting my neck out here, and risk saying something very wrong.

So feel free to ASK rather than ASSUME I mean something, if I make a boo boo.

 

First of all, am I right that this 'Mainsplaining' thing is a reaction from a minority (from both genders)?

At risk of severely inserting my foot into my mouth, (and well aware I'm grossly generalizing); does anyone else find it much more common for males to be the ones who research random shit, and (admittedly, annoyingly) educate others on it?

Of course many women can\do this too (I have quite a few in my friend circles! One has a 'secret' phd! lol); but it seems to not be the norm.

I'd wager 8/10 of my male friends could converse about topics they don't have any involvement in, but have researched 'just because'.

However probably only 4/10 of my female friends could do the same.

 

More curious to me though.

What do we think about there being a cause and effect relationship to the overly politically correct environment we've recently bred, and this new 'trend'?

A gut feeling (and this is where I could go from foot in mouth, to leg in mouth :P) is that, while heaven forbid males generalize  or criticize females as a whole gender; us males (including the good ones) have copped it for many years now.

Possibly, because of this, our nature of communication is getting inadvertently warped, and resulting in communication being ....hard, less direct.... more... calculated?

We feel like we need to explain ourselves, for fear of attack.

 

(EDIT: its actually quite apparent, by how many times I've felt the need to explain I am aware i'm generalizing, and that not everyone is like this, etc /edit)

 

I know, that for me personally, the difference in communication that feels socially expected when a female is involved in a predominantly male group, is very real.

For example, (once again, second foot at risk of being inserted here), generally males seem to 'shit talk' each other a lot more than females will. Be disgusted less. Be offended less.

No, no, I'm not suggesting every female is a delicate flower who can't handle that, I'm just saying it feels less common.

 

As a random example;

if I was sitting with a group of, say overweight friends (I'm a nerd, I have many :P), and we were all 'friendly teasing' each other about said weight, I'd think twice before ribbing any overweight females in the group.

Society has trained me that way.

I personally like a woman that the media would like to call 'chubby', but history, and media teaches us to be 'careful' with women.

 

It just feels like, thus far, we've seen a lot of "Hey, We're not some delicate flower!" followed by "How dare you tease her!" well... that's what we do to each other.... it's meant to be harmless; this isn't 'fair'!

Do you want it the same, or do we need to be careful?

 

In addition, it feels extremely common for female friends to want to sit you down and explain how feelings or relationships work. (and yes, that's a HUGE stereotype, but once again, just personal experience)

Is that the flip side? Women expecting that men feel differently than they think they do?

 

Once again, far from everyone, but we're playing with stereotypes here.

Always a flammable social cloth.

 

Anyway I'm rambling.

 

What I'm trying to say, is that it feels like 'mansplaining' has come about, because men are concerned (scared? abused? I don't know, i'm asking) about how to interact with women in this new world order.

Do we just pretend everything is equal, and assume they generally know about topics that women (stereotypically) don't?

 

Are my life experiences unique?

Or  have I totally missed the point?

What are the people complaining, trying to fix?

 

Is the whole mansplaining thing, about the guys who do it in a belittling manner?

Such as on topics you WOULD assume any gender with basic intelligence would know?

 

I may, as usual, just be missing the point :P


Edited by Master_Scythe, 20 March 2018 - 04:05 PM.

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#2 Rybags

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 04:18 PM

These days the snowflakes expect everything on a platter.  This sense of entitlement seems to be bestowed by people who themselves engage in virtue signalling yet don't particularly do anything in the way of delivering said entitlements.

 

Often people (usually the snowflakes) have to be given a dose of reality, which is often in the form of someone telling them the actual truth and at times this might seem to be delivered in a belittling format.

Such thruth delivery has become to be known as "mansplaining".

 

OK, that's just one example, one facet.

 

Another analogy might be the adult equivalent of explaining to a young kid that if they put their hand on the orange hot ring on the stove that they'll get burnt badly, go to hospital and have scars for life.

Sometimes you have to be condascending to better get a message across.

To many adults with their toilet-paper arts degree decorating their wall, that's disrespectful to their clearly superior "intellect".



#3 TheManFromPOST

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 04:35 PM

Yesterday I had to explain to a woman (who had researched via youtube) why we cannot go and colonize a planet in orbit around Alpha Centauri

but I was wrong, youtube was right



#4 Rybags

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 05:01 PM

PMSL.  I made the mistake of watching one moderately conspiracy-theory based video.

Now I'm getting suggestions with epic videos that claim airliners run on water, compressed air or just pluck energy out of nowhere.

 

The relevance of that is that the world is full of people who on the surface seem to have credibility but in fact are absolute morons who 50 years ago wouldn't even be allowed to control their own lives, let alone be able to direct others.  Such people are often the "targets" of mansplaining.


Found this in a YT video description, it's a pretty good summary:

 


Urban Dictionary explains:
Originally, this term was used to describe boorish men who felt the need to “correct” what a woman said, even on topics that the man didn’t know anything about.
However, the term quickly degenerated into a get-out-of-jail-free card used by angry women when a man dares to point out even the most blatant error.
Old: That Bob is trying to tell Jill how to raise a horse? She’s raised championship thoroughbreds for decades and he’s never even ridden a horse. What a stupid mansplainer!
New: OF COURSE HAMSTERS KNOW HOW TO SPEAK IN RUSSIAN! STOP MANSPLAINING!



#5 SquallStrife

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 05:04 PM

The phenomenon is real, and hardly a new thing. Dumbing down an explanation with no real sign that you should need to, but a judgement on their gender, age, race, etc.

It's just a form of sexism/racism/etc.



The name of this phenomenon is the only thing that's new or contentious, really. Calling is "mansplaining" is a product of this SJW nonsense.
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#6 Rybags

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 05:13 PM

When you have to correct someone on a preposterous idea or suggestion, then it's generally necessary to dumb down the explanation.

 

The whole term originated from femNazis who take great offence anytime someone dares to correct them.



#7 scruffy1

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 05:52 PM

when women explain things to men, they perceive themselves to be helpful

 

when men do it, women announce it to be unnecessary and condescending, because they have their own way of doing things, which is inherently right

 

if they would appreciate that i too have my own way of doing things, which is different, and works for me, and is right for the logic and ocd (aspergers, anybody ?) that is inherently somewhat of a masculine norm, we could reach consensus

 

women think differently; men just think wrong

 

 

ask most women

 

 

 

this is not universally true, and most of my long term best friends are female, although i am sort of an honorary female in their presence

 

the gender differences in perception are enormous, and i guess after so long being at the mercy of male dominance, females feel free to point out things that annoy them

 

personally, i think mansplaining is a pejorative term when used for the majority of situations, where it is just a difference of communication styles

 

 

 

like giving shit for "manspreading"... if your crotch had to accommodate a ball sack routinely rather than just during sex, you'd probably sit with your knees apart too, lady

how many women keep their legs together with a dick between them ?

 

just sayin'

 

 

 

 

edit : apparently men can't spell either


Edited by scruffy1, 20 March 2018 - 05:54 PM.

ummmmmmmmmmm............


#8 @~thehung

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 05:57 PM

What I'm trying to say, is that it feels like 'mansplaining' has come about, because men are concerned (scared? abused? I don't know, i'm asking) about how to interact with women in this new world order.


it started off as a funny, clever, portmanteau, with a valid raison d'être. as originally intended, it just nails down something that deserved a name.

but through hyperactive misuse its connotations have morphed towards ludicrous self-parody at light speed. shame really.
no pung intended

#9 scruffy1

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 06:03 PM

why isn't there a term for the way women give directions ?

 

man : "3 streets down, turn left and continue about 100metres and it's on your left"

 

alternative :  "continue on past where that hairdressers used to be, and around the corner, it's near that place that has nice coffee"

 

 

btw :  why is the screen all black for writing new posts unless i go advanced options ?  have i broken the internet ?


ummmmmmmmmmm............


#10 Rybags

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 06:18 PM

The text box going grey is an issue with the forum software... happens at another regular place I go.  Not sure if it's browser related.



#11 eveln

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 07:06 PM

I think " mansplaining " is a derogatory term . nuff said.

 

edit : cos feeding time is done for now, nana and yoghurt soonish ;)

 

I agree with this take of scruffy's  on proceedings ...

 

" the gender differences in perception are enormous, and i guess after so long being at the mercy of male dominance, females feel free to point out things that annoy them personally, i think mansplaining is a pejorative term when used for the majority of situations, where it is just a difference of communication styles

 

like giving shit for "manspreading"... if your crotch had to accommodate a ball sack routinely rather than just during sex, you'd probably sit with your knees apart too, lady how many women keep their legs together with a dick between them ?"

 

succinct enough :)


Edited by eveln, 20 March 2018 - 07:49 PM.

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#12 eveln

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 07:54 PM

... thing is, women need to get pastr the human trait of tit for tat and start with a true balance of procedure. It is as bloody wrong for the term " mansplaining " to be as it is to say " females should be barefoot-and pregnant-and stay in the kitchen." I mean, we all know men make better food :P~


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#13 eveln

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 08:36 PM


As a random example;

if I was sitting with a group of, say overweight friends (I'm a nerd, I have many :P), and we were all 'friendly teasing' each other about said weight, I'd think twice before ribbing any overweight females in the group.

Society has trained me that way.

I personally like a woman that the media would like to call 'chubby', but history, and media teaches us to be 'careful' with women.

 

How can you be sure your 'friendly teasing' isn't totally, silently, mortifying for one or more of your overweight friends ?


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#14 Master_Scythe

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Posted 20 March 2018 - 11:35 PM

Well, its a hypotheical, but still, the people involved have either a. the ability to speak and say so, or b. the free will to leave if they were uncomfortable, or c. the ability to lash out.

If they choose to exercise none of those, they can't be too bothered.

 

If they are?

I'm not responsible for their lack of communication ability, that should have been taught much earlier than meeting me.


Wherever you go in life, watch out for Scythe, the tackling IT support guy.

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#15 Master_Scythe

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Posted 21 March 2018 - 09:03 AM

 

The phenomenon is real, and hardly a new thing. Dumbing down an explanation with no real sign that you should need to, but a judgement on their gender, age, race, etc.
It's just a form of sexism/racism/etc.


The name of this phenomenon is the only thing that's new or contentious, really. Calling is "mansplaining" is a product of this SJW nonsense.

 

I think this is exactly what shocked me so much.

The blatant sexism.

I thought we'd been fighting AGAINST that for a long time now, yet we're OK with terms like that?

 

 

I've never (intentionally) mistreated anyone, and if I've ever 'mansplained' something I've always been truly apologetic, and then given praise because 'wow, not many people are into that!'.

Without using hindsight, Ive never once thought about it as gender based.

Yet it honestly feels like every social media bleedthrough is currently about how bad all men are.

 

I can understand why 'TransTrenders' became a thing.

For people with weaker constitution, being a male can feel like you were born to be stepped on.

While yes, I understand women felt 'owned' for generations before, it really hasn't been true for 90% of this generations females.

 

Not to mention, the current 'attack on men' differs from the past treatment of women last generation or two, because we don't get the (arguably) positive social expectations.

Correct or not, there was a social stigma of "This is your woman, look after her".

Right now, it's more like "This is a man, doesn't matter if he's yours, kick him repeatedly".

 

If the public media isn't careful, I can see groups 'lashing back' and I worry how much of the fight against sexism that'd undo :(


Edited by Master_Scythe, 21 March 2018 - 09:31 AM.

Wherever you go in life, watch out for Scythe, the tackling IT support guy.

"I don't care what race you are, not one f*cking bit, if you want to be seen as a good people, you go in there and you f*ck up the people who (unofficially) represent you in a negative light!"


#16 Cybes

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Posted 21 March 2018 - 10:22 AM

...if I've ever 'mansplained' something I've always been truly apologetic, and then given praise because 'wow, not many people are into that!'.


I tend not to talk about ... well, pretty much anything, really, until its brought up by someone else. If I don't know anything about the other person (or most of the people) I'm talking to, I usually ask them how familiar they are with the topic before diving in, and try to make my comments from there appropriate for that. If the topic is anything to do with sport (apart from car racing or shooting), its likely going to be me that gets schooled. ;p

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#17 @~thehung

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Posted 21 March 2018 - 01:05 PM

a few years ago in a room with a female colleague of equal status doing a technical job.  a male superior who we'd had little contact with roamed in and proceeded to direct all conversation towards me in the way you do when you assume that person has seniority.  some back and forth ensued and then i remember her asking him a pertinent, if not incisive, question. 

 

now, sometimes the only difference between a smart or a dumb question is the aptitude you know the questioner has, or whether you choose to give them the benefit of the doubt.  not only was his response so distinctly dumbed down as he proceeded to miss the mark completely, he droned on and on in a way that seemed to indicate this was his well practiced way of schooling bitches on technical stuff.  i felt awkward on her behalf, but i understood, as i am sure she did, in this particular instance it was best to just let him blow his load and go away.  i was also laughing inwardly at how bizarre it was.  i mean, it belonged in some background scene of Mad Men.  as soon as he left i turned to her and said, "well, that was patronising" and we left it at that. 

 

this is memorable to me as an anomaly that seemed to jive well with his baby-boomer age bracket.  it was so out of step with the culture in that workplace i wouldnt be surprised if she was surprised by it.  i am not naive enough to think that, as a man, i can know how prevalent the phenomenon is, but i am inclined to think its vestigial despite the counterproductive efforts of all the idiots crying wolf.


no pung intended

#18 eveln

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Posted 21 March 2018 - 08:06 PM

Master_Scythe says :

"As a random example;

if I was sitting with a group of, say overweight friends (I'm a nerd, I have many :P), and we were all 'friendly teasing' each other about said weight, I'd think twice before

ribbing any overweight females in the group.

Society has trained me that way."

 

Well, its a hypotheical, but still, the people involved have either a. the ability to speak and say so, or b. the free will to leave if they were uncomfortable, or c. the ability to lash out.

If they choose to exercise none of those, they can't be too bothered.

 

If they are?

I'm not responsible for their lack of communication ability, that should have been taught much earlier than meeting me.

Your first quote wasn't given as a hypothetical, so it's a bit off to just assume you'd know the inner thoughts of your friends, nerds or not. IMO, re your nerdy femme friends, you do both

genders a disservice by thinking you know how they feel.

 

And also, as you say the post about your friends was not a real event, as yet ;) then it must follow that perhaps you ( imo, understandably ) would have reservations about giving your mates 'lip' about their weight issues ... it's just polite and respectful to not make fun of people about their weight or any other physical attribute, wouldn't you say ?


as to this ... " a. the ability to speak and say so, or b. the free will to leave if they were uncomfortable, or c. the ability to lash out.

If they choose to exercise none of those, they can't be too bothered."

 

Well that's a bit harsh, considering how I know you like to bond with people over food and refreshments as a social and work ethic. Causing a scene by departing or calling you out for being

an uncaring < insert appropriate descriptor > may not be in their best interests either. Do you see what I mean ?


Edited by eveln, 21 March 2018 - 07:58 PM.

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#19 Cybes

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Posted 21 March 2018 - 09:34 PM

Your first quote wasn't given as a hypothetical


He started it with "If I were...". That's as hypothetical as it gets, Eve.

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#20 eveln

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Posted 21 March 2018 - 10:19 PM

 

Your first quote wasn't given as a hypothetical


He started it with "If I were...". That's as hypothetical as it gets, Eve.

 

He lead me to believe from his " random example " that he and his overweight friends would have that sort " friendly teasing " ... and what I'm saying is they likely don't have the

teasing about  being fat cos it just isn't what Friends do, imo. ...not real friends anyway, male or female. I'd imagine serious convos when concern for a health issue...

but making fun of the fat ? ... I don't know, maybe this is why I don't do lots of friends ;) 


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