Jump to content


Member Since 10 Sep 2008
Offline Last Active Private

#1201265 As a non social media user - Mansplaining

Posted by elvenwhore on 02 April 2018 - 03:15 PM

Men can explain things to women just fine. I think, originally, the idea of 'mansplaining' was supposed to be linked with being patronised by having someone similarly qualified, or even less so, assuming they were more qualified to explain something simply because they were a man. Happened to me all the time when working in IT.
A problem I've seen is that, sometimes, people forget or don't quite understand how to apply a label (or stereotype, or generalisation). So things get misrepresented. I think that's where we might be now. It may have been useful, but now it's been overused. Now it just angers people, and that's useless.
I think anyone is capable of being an arrogant, ignorant, patronising arsehole when talking about an issue they feel more qualified in than their audience. There did used to be the idea that, in certain areas, women couldn't know as much as a man, or that women learned differently to a man so they had to be taught differently. People learn differently from one another, and it's not always gender based.
Of course, in response to these things, the stereotype of men not knowing certain issues has cropped up in the last century, and I also have the same response to that idea as well: certain traits are not gender based. Take the example of men not knowing anything about emotions. For centuries, men had to operate without feeling sentiment or emotion in a lot of areas. Emotions were seen as feminine, and therefor weak (fuck youuuuuuu for thinking that!), so men were taught, right up to my generation, not to express feelings properly or in a healthy manner. Which gave credence to the idea that women were "experts" in this field, and men "useless". Clearly this is absolute idiocy. In my lifetime I've observed a lot of humour revolving around this (movies, sitcoms, tv ads, etc), and to that I say, fuck off. Men weren't encouraged to feel, and they absolutely should be. 
You cannot force (roughly) 50% of the human race to reject something that validates their experience as a human on this earth, and call it healthy or progressive.
See how that sentence applies to both genders, though? To me, it's a no brainer. Unforunately, we've become divided along gender lines and I think that's a natural progression from where we've come from. Women have had a tough run for centuries - men have had their own pressures to face, as well, so in acknowledging how far we've come with women's rights in no way paints a rosy, easy picture for men. I think we forget to do that sometimes. However, as things normalise and the pendulum swings and swings again, trying to achieve the middle ground, we've gone this way and that, this way and that, swinging with it. That's ok, that's normal, I'm pretty sure that's physics :-) What we need to make sure we don't do is keep fostering anger and hatred for the so-called "other side". 
Men are not the enemy. Women are not the enemy. We all have shifting roles and lines to deal with right now, and it may take another 100 years to settle down.

A gut feeling (and this is where I could go from foot in mouth, to leg in mouth :P) is that, while heaven forbid males generalize  or criticize females as a whole gender; us males (including the good ones) have copped it for many years now.
I think a lot of gender politics are stupid - that's a byproduct of growing up doing a lot of "boy" hobbies, working in a traditional "male" career and continuing to have a lot of "male" traits like the one you mentioned about researching things. A lot of gender stereotyping can go to hell as far as I'm concerned - it's never applied to me throughout my entire life and experience has shown me that a lot applies to both males and females equally and not exclusively, so fuck it :-)
Therefore, I don't think any or either gender should be copping anything unfairly or unduly, and it grieves me to see whenever it happens. Regardless of whether it's male or female. 
All that said though, and this is a joke which probably won't be funny because I'm not John Safran, but I always have a little mental chuckle at points like this. I absolutely agree that there are areas that men are feeling targeted in, and that's unfair, and yes some of these things have been going on for, say, 50-100 years worth of human and social evolution. That's a long time, and it's too long. But how long do you think women have "copped it" for? :-D :-p 

if I was sitting with a group of, say overweight friends (I'm a nerd, I have many :P), and we were all 'friendly teasing' each other about said weight, I'd think twice before ribbing any overweight females in the group.
You may be confusing gender stereotyping and politics with a different issue. Women are more likely to be adversely and severely affected by eating disorders, and you never know who is afflicted just by being in the same room with them. A lot of the time, women are feeling social pressure to be skinny and thin and waif-like, so giving them shit about being fat may be more of an issue. Men, by contrast, who suffer from eating disorders too, feel a lot of social pressures not to be thin (ergo, a fat joke isn't as likely to be as much of an issue) but to be muscle-bound. Example: calling men feminine, or girly ("you throw like a girl! Don't be such a pussy!") is, or used to be, a far greater social insult than calling him fat, yes/no?
Hence, the different social conditioning. I personally don't see it as women being more or too or overly sensitive, or political correctness gone mad, or "nobody" being able to say "anything" anymore - but being about different issues affecting different people, differently. Therefore, you may respond differently.
You're acting a bit like that picture with the people staring over the fence - you want to give all people the same height box, regardless of their height, to help them see over the fence. For a fairer, or more equanimous outcome, different height people need different height boxes. Some people really hate this idea. Some people really love it.
Really simple solution to 'mansplaining' so far as I can see: don't treat anyone, male or female, with contempt when you explain things to them, and don't assume you know more simply because you're male or female. You'd think that'd be simple enough :-)

#1200047 After 17 years, it's time to look back...

Posted by elvenwhore on 20 February 2018 - 09:13 PM

Kommando literally stopping traffic at a Brisbane Zombie Walk still makes me laugh.



All the Sydney meets, the Atomic Live events, they're all classic memories. And, of course, the "good old days" on the forums when most people I knew in real life were also Atomicans :-)


edit: here's some of my old Atomic albums...


Atomic BrisMeet3

Atomic BrisMeet05

Atomic Live Forum 08

BrisAtomic Zombie Walk 2011

Faldo, Sexbot and Voney in Brisbane


edit: we'll try this...

#1199678 "As official as it gets" Atomic Meet - 17 years young! Date-3 Feb 18

Posted by elvenwhore on 04 February 2018 - 09:17 PM

That has to have been one of the most epic, fun, hug-filled whirlwind of a 24 hours I've had in... 


You guys are awesome! :-) So, so good to see so many of you together again. To those I got the chance to talk to - thank you! I had an amazing night. To those I missed or barely caught up with, that's definitely my loss and I'm sorry to have not spent more time with all you glorious, glowing examples of Atomic goodness :-)

And thanks to all who made my +1, pocket, feel at home :-D A magazine reader since the beginning, and an adopted BrisAtomican, he's never gotten around to signing up to the forums. Thanks for making us both feel welcome :-)


Chaos_Lady and SacrificalNewt - congratulations and THANKS for everything you did to put on such a fantastic evening.


And now for some pictures :-) Pretty much all these were taken by pocket, so I'm not stealing credit. Souls, blood, yes; credit, no. 


Love ya, Atomic! 

#1199335 "As official as it gets" Atomic Meet - 17 years young! Date-3 Feb 18

Posted by elvenwhore on 21 January 2018 - 02:12 PM

Just looking at flights now. Should have everything booked, paid for and organised by the end of today.


We're 99% installed... barring bad luck, I. Am. In :-)


edit: sorry for missing the chatter, I haven't had much Internet access to speak of for about a month :-/

#1198244 My leg and the last 2 months

Posted by elvenwhore on 06 December 2017 - 03:00 PM

One needs all the swears to cover off how scary that all sounds!! Glad you're on the mend but geeeeez man. Take care of yourself!

#1197524 "As official as it gets" Atomic Meet - 17 years young! Date-3 Feb 18

Posted by elvenwhore on 09 November 2017 - 07:58 PM

On a side note, is anyone else feeling old now??


17 years young!



#1196842 "As official as it gets" Atomic Meet - 17 years young! Date-3 Feb 18

Posted by elvenwhore on 12 October 2017 - 06:24 PM

Waaaaaait a second, Pocket (husband) said he's interested, so it's not completely unlikely :-p 

#1196838 "As official as it gets" Atomic Meet - 17 years young! Date-3 Feb 18

Posted by elvenwhore on 12 October 2017 - 02:57 PM

Only one way to find out!

So if I drag Husband and Miss 2 down to Sydney, I can totally just skip out for the night and go to an Atomic meet, right? That's totally cool :-D

#1196820 What's on your mind?

Posted by elvenwhore on 11 October 2017 - 08:46 PM

Oh, I'm dumb? I thought he meant, "name like" as in, "Weinstein"... looks like "weiner"... as in, dude is obsessed with his weiner... and the stroking of said weiner.

Only works when you look at it on paper though, unless his name is pronounced "Ween-stine".

#1193564 What's on your mind?

Posted by elvenwhore on 22 July 2017 - 08:22 PM


O n a seperate issue : The wool Doona we bought last year is simply marvey ! . So glad I'm not in NZ. It looks too damn cold and wet down there :(


Heard from my family in northern NSW that it was minus 6 overnight. Water was frozen in the pipes until after 9am :-) That's what I call winter :-)

Stoopid freaking Brisbane and their light cotton winters :-(

#1190998 [Another] London Terror Attack

Posted by elvenwhore on 21 April 2017 - 09:19 PM

It's always a wonder what 'the plan' was when idiots do things like this....

I've taken to reading up about the role of propaganda in peace time and in war time, as well as psychology journal articles regarding social manipulation. Also very interesting reading is material from former self-identified "terrorists" (think, IRA, white supremacists). It's the same, or similar, roots that hook these people into these causes, every time. Should almost be compulsory reading in these times. Highly recommended for broadening understanding :-) 

#1190700 [Another] London Terror Attack

Posted by elvenwhore on 10 April 2017 - 09:07 PM

Leonid, you make my head hurt sometimes. 

#1189894 So far so good...

Posted by elvenwhore on 14 March 2017 - 09:40 PM

I don't know if it's a genuine, chemically-measurably, scientific "endorphin rush" but I generally do enjoy exercise. I don't do gyms, though. I only do stuff I like doing*. I'm still building back up to my previous levels of fitness, though, which can be a bit frustrating at times. Especially since I find it difficult to get into solid, consistent rhythms with exercise. I do "something" pretty much every day, but sometimes that "something" is just going for a walk. Or my yoga practice. But I don't do anything for an hour, unless it's a family thing like biking, because I just don't have that much time in a single block anymore.

Still, I do stuff I like, and I usually feel pretty good afterwards. Like I said, not sure if it's the actual, real "endorphin rush" but I don't tend to think of exercise as a chore, or have to force myself to do it. I quite like having sore muscles, and I do like pushing myself :-)


edit: * that's highly likely why I don't look like a fitness model :-) That, and I like food. If I put my mind to it, I'm sure I could be much more disciplined with both food and exercise, and be skinny and ripped and whatnot. Would it be great to look like that? Yep. Am I chasing it? Nope. No excuses, I just don't want it enough. I'm happy with the balance I've achieved thus far, without compromising my sanity, my family time or my time with my daughter. I'm trying to get a bit fitter, but that's just for fun and health. So whilst I do some form of exercise every day, sometimes that's only taking kiddo for a walk. That's hardly going to get me a flat stomach but we have fun and that's my main thing. 

#1189660 So far so good...

Posted by elvenwhore on 08 March 2017 - 02:40 PM

Interesting thread, Mister Dude :-) Congrats on your success. I am kinda curious about the information out there on fasting and it's effects on the body. I haven't had much time to look into it much so it's good to have personal anecdotes like this to inspire my research... one day... :-p


I can't do much of anything like this at the moment due to breastfeeding but that will draw to a close sooner rather than later. For some reason I can't figure out, I'm smaller now than I was pre-bubs. Even at my wedding. I've struggled a lot with maintaining a healthy mindset around food for many years (although I've never really actually had a weight problem - just thought I did, as some people do). Now that I don't pay attention to it or do stupid things like have entire days where I exist on a hummus sandwich and an apple with 6 hours of clinical massage and a 5km jog on top of that, I'm actually smaller. Go figure! Don't care, either. 


I like my food, though. Not sure how I'd go with fasting like that... I guess you get used to it? And I do love my herbal teas :-) Still, without doing any research I can only imagine myself tanking when the food in my system runs out :-p


Juice fasts, though, I loved the last one I did (3 days). Not a single negative symptom, never felt sick or light-headed or like I was missing out. However, I was more in pursuit of the meditative aspects that came with it, and they were many and plentiful.


So yeah, interested in this stuff for sure.



And yes, I know my "diet" was extreme. I just grew up about 45~50kg overweight, and that was following a dietitian and personal trainers advice to perfection. I saw him at about 14yo?

So at that point, couldn't really "override his decisions" I lived with the parents.

Needless to say, after a year of their "plan" and putting on another 10kg of fat percentage, I said fuck them, and went my own way.

I hope you've been to other registered dietitians since then and are not just basing this exclusion off a bad experience :-/ In all honesty, a GP doesn't have the depth of nutritional training that an actual dietitian is supposed to. Not that I know your GP but unless he's done post grad training...

It just seems like you're barking up the wrong tree, very stubbornly. And you have been given dud advice. All health professionals are the same in that you need to find the one that fits you best and can work with you comfortably. Whether that's physio, remedial massage, GP, midwife, chiro, PT, exercise physiologist, psychologist or dietitian. Sometimes you don't get the best fit for you on the first go. Sometimes you need to try a couple. Hell, you may have found a good fit. Doesn't mean a second opinion can't be valuable.

#1189618 Thank you Hospitals! (Sincerely)

Posted by elvenwhore on 07 March 2017 - 08:56 PM

Mater Mother's Hospital in Brissy, it's where I had bubs. They were superb. Really lovely, friendly staff all through my stay. The midwife I started the process with finished her shift about half an hour before bubs actually arrived, so there was supposed to be a crossover with the next midwife, but she ended up staying. So I had two midwives in the room with me at the end, and the ward doctor was just doing her rounds so she stayed too, so I was very well looked after :-)


The ward staff were great, even came in in the middle of the night when bubs was just a couple of hours old and a bit unsettled and got us some warm compresses, took her for a cuddle so we could rest our arms for a bit and told us jokes and stories to make us smile. I got heaps of support and advice and everyone was friendly and helpful - and happy! Makes a lot of difference, really, when you're feeling weird and not-crash-hot-but-not-actually-sick and a bit unsure of the world and freaked out, to have someone not just pop in and do their job, or give you some advice, but be happy while they're doing it. You don't feel like such a crazy burden when they have a smile for you.


But as good as they were, I won't be going back for another stay, thank you very much :-p