Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
Things I am not allowed to do any more
robzy
post May 2 2010, 12:49 AM
Post #1
Hero
Pun Savant




Gave me a giggle...

[About three quarters of these are actually true, about half of them are true for /me/.]

I am not permitted to replace a cow-orker’s reference books (including his Knuth, Sedgewick, and C++ reference manuals) with several linear feet of steamy hardback romance novels.

I will not name my variables after nasty tropical diseases, or executives who are under indictment for fraud.

Elevators are not toys, nor should they ever be wired into the corporate net.

It is not allowed to put the Halo 3 Master Chief into a gingham dress, or to give him cheerleader pom-poms, or attach flowers to his pulse rifle, as it upsets the Bungie people when they visit.

Yelling “Fire in the hole!” whenever I make a checkin is not team building.

Claiming a feature in a planning meeting by declaring “I’m going to rub my nuts all over that” is right out.

Using “butthead” in a reply-to-all email is not allowed, even if everyone is in agreement.

I will not refer to the head of corporate research as a “lamer,” especially when he is in the same stairwell when I utter this.

I will not paste labels onto the after-hours HVAC buttons, especially if they read “Eject,” “Arm,” or “Detonate.”

Lasers are for pointing, and that’s it.

I am not allowed to have a bucket of paint in the building.

Nor any power tools, especially if they have blades.

I shall not place a supply of “Sharpie” permanent markers in any whiteboard trays.

Cuckoo clocks are not allowed in the executive conference room.

The elves in the lobby’s “winter holiday” display must remain unmolested.

I am not allowed to have a cup of coffee resting nearby any essentially irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind, multi-tens-of-thousands-of-dollars circuit boards I have been asked to write code for.

Spinning cow-orkers in their chairs until they throw up is now forbidden.

Since I am red-green color-blind, I am not permitted to do wiring, pick resistors, or choose office carpet.

I must not check in a new memory manager two hours before going on an overseas vacation.

Tossing computers off the roof is not an accepted form of “stress testing.”

I will not dial someone at random and conference them in to the building’s intercom system.

Motorcycles are not allowed in the CEO’s office, even if it’s 2AM and he’s not there. Starting the engine is also not permitted.

I am not allowed to put a “logout” command in someone’s “.login” file.

http://www.dadhacker.com/blog/?p=1193

Rob.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Cybes
post May 2 2010, 01:09 AM
Post #2
Atomican
Mafia Winner




Sounds like the List of things Skippy is not allowed to do - only geekier.


--------------------
"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea..." - Antoine de Saint Exupery [Quoted by Niel DeGrasse Tyson, about space travel]

"Reality doesn't care what you think." - Dr Richard Feynman, about unintuitive physics.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
SledgY
post May 2 2010, 11:01 AM
Post #3
Atomican
Master




This sounds like a todo list for pranks at work...


--------------------
poweredbypenguins.org - SledgY lives in the cloud...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
AIMBOT
post May 9 2010, 11:00 AM
Post #4
Atomican
Champion




robzy finally posts something funny :p

These are my favourites

QUOTE
Tossing computers off the roof is not an accepted form of “stress testing.”
I must not check in a new memory manager two hours before going on an overseas vacation.
I am not allowed to put a “logout” command in someone’s “.login” file.


This one I did when I wrote a script to disable 100ish accounts and ran it while the CIO was at me desk telling me to manually disable them.

QUOTE
Yelling “Fire in the hole!” whenever I make a checkin is not team building.


--------------------
Too long didn't read.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th July 2014 - 08:19 PM