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Juggs

Atomican
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Everything posted by Juggs

  1. Juggs

    Post Your Latest Real Life Purchase!

    For real? What are you shooting with - a potato?
  2. Juggs

    Post Your Latest Real Life Purchase!

    Nifty fifty, cunce.
  3. (I had to shorten the alt due to field lengths) While we sit here waiting to board our flight, and I have a fresh glass of writing juice beside me, let ol' Uncle Juggs tell you a story of "Fuck that. Better you than me." We met them in the back of a crowded minivan without any air conditioning. We were trying to be the cool kids, and so moved towards the back seat. Those of you who have been on such excursions know what i'm talking about - an 8 to 12 seater, bench seat across the back, and a few poorly placed double and single seats that makes it like a fucking maze to navigate to a spot that ensures you don't end up with some sweaty 60 year old's flange shoved in your face as she tries to squeeze into the one remaining spot Cheeky had the window seat, because I'm just that fucking classy. I, however, had this 13 year old chick and her 17 year old brother jam in next to me on the bench seat. It was one of those uncomfortable rides, where every time we went over a large bump or around a corner, I held on to the seat behind Cheeky to ensure I didn't slide across and knock one of the two of them out of the window on their side of the bus. A game of corners would have been absolute carnage. Mum and Dad had to take the two remaining slots in the minivan - one riding shotgun, the other in the back next to the sliding door. Mum pulled rank and got to sit up front, Dad stayed in the back. The trip itself was uninteresting, beyond the occasional stop to find an ATM that worked for Dad. We had paid everything up front and as such didn't carry a wallet. They didn't, and so needed to get money out for the days activities. It was a stop that he would regret for the rest of his holidays We all load onto the boat and do what sensible people do. We hit the piss. I started with a couple of beers, old mate was straight on to the rum and cokes. Now, when I say rum and coke, 90% of you are thinking bundy and coke. The other 10% of you are probably sipping bacardi and coke through a straw. This rum was like neither of them. I could have cauterised a hairy axe wound with this stuff. It didn't put hairs on your chest, it stripped them from the inside. Your burps burninated the country side. Burninated the peasants. So us sensible adults did what any other sensible adult would do in this situation. We proceeded to drink 3 or 4 bottles of the stuff. We found our sea legs very quickly, because by this stage we were something like 80% salt water each. We tool around for a bit, go for a bit of a snorkle (burps sounds awesome under water. Stay tuned for that video), before we're advised that we're going to be dropped off at a tourist trap an island for hassling beach activities. Those of us who were interested in parasailing, however, were advised to stay on the boat. My ears pricked up at this, and I turn to Cheeky to put the hard word on. No dice, she's having none of it. Not exactly a thrill seeker, this one. I compromise with the offer of a tandem ride. She's still not keen. I sit there and discuss with the operator about the price for me, when our friend strikes up a deal for his 4 family members, and Cheeky and I (as we've drunk enough together to have gone 'way back'). Cheeky see's the 13 and 17 year old are dead keen on it, and has a change of heart. It was a decision that she'd refer to for the rest of her days... We are dropped off on a floating platform in the middle of the ocean. The water is crystal clear, and you can clearly see the bottom of the ocean. The fact that it was barely 3 feet deep certainly helped. First up: The mother and daughter. The mother gets motion sickness, and spends a fair whack of time clinging to the platform for dear life. She looked greener than Kermit's spoof, she wasn't well. Turns out that she'd been parasailing before and knew how relaxing it was, and figured that anything that got her off the rocking seas was alright by her. So up they went, with nary a hitch. We were supposed to be next, but a couple of rude indians pushed in front of us. So we were still waiting when Mum and Daughter arrived, both absolutely exhilarated by the ride. Sonny boy went up next. He was acting on the outside like I was on the inside. Jumping around, woohooing, all that shit. (I didn't want to put Cheeky off, so was keeping it fairly sedate at this stage). Off he goes, leaving Dad, Cheeky and I to go. They offer to take Dad up, but he insists we go first. Top bloke. It was a decision that he would regret for the rest of his holidays Cheeky and I get all bundled up, clipped in, and away we go. Cheeky had the camera as she was up front, that video will be posted once we give it a listen to for appropriateness. She was, however, concerned about her harness. I wrote it off as her usual nerves. She's the person on roller coasters who, if the harness moves an inch, starts to freak out. The fact that we're fucking high up isn't helping it at all. Heres a shot of us on the way up: On the way up We went higher than that. We saw the son coming the other way as he came in to land, which we'll use for reference later on. Our ride is uneventful. It was fun as fuck, but nothing happened. No mermaid sightings or anything. We waved at Dad earlier than we anticipated we would have, and got him on the video. So when we review that, you'll see a good idea of how high up he was. We land, and we're jumping up and down with Son talking about how awesome it was. I asked if his Dad took the GoPro up with him, but he decided to hand it over before he took off. It was a decision that he would regret for the rest of his days We're talking, and then i look around for the multi coloured parachute. Its not up. We all have a laugh because we figured that, because of his size (he was a big boy), they had trouble getting him back in the air after they deliberately lower you into the water. We wait, and wait, and wait. We see the boat coming back, and he's up front. We laugh about how he looks like he's owning the place. As he comes closer, we give him a clap and he gives us a double thumbs up. Mum, however, starts screaming. We couldn't see it at first (and she later said that she could tell by how he sat on the boat), but something is wrong. We get closer and see the damage. His entire right side of his face is black. Not blue. Not purple. Fucking black. His right ear is bleeding, as is his nose. His side is all red/blue/black in spots. He dropped into the 3 feet deep ocean from the parachute. The guys on the platform are fkn useless. They're freaking out. We get him on a boat and start talking to him. He's not slurring, but his short term memory is fucked. Later they found out he couldn't tell them where he was, why he was there, etc. We say goodbye to the family as they rush over to the first aid, and are then rushed to hospital. Cheeky is freaking out. We were before him, and were meant to be in his chute before he insisted we go first. That, and her harness wasn't feeling right. She's regretting agreeing to the whole thing. We get back on the boat, and everyone has heard something went wrong, but didn't know what or to who. When they saw us, they figured it was the family, and so we relayed the whole story to everyone. A few of the women teared up a little, and everyone was just in shock. Keep in mind that none of us actually knew them, but only a few hours earlier had been drinking and carrying on with them, so we were all 'holiday friends'. The trip home was quiet, and we were given the task of returning their belongings to them at the hotel. We get their names, room numbers, and ask reception to contact us when they arrive. But to be safe, we sat at the lobby bar until they arrived. They show up a few hours later, and everyone is in a much better state. Mum was much more relaxed. He was in hospital, booked in for a CT scan the following day. No broken bones, tho they did say he received a concussion. They think his cuts and grazes are from hitting the bottom of the sea bed, as theres a lot of lose rocks and coral around there. The daughter was a little more cheery, poor bugger was beside herself when we helped her off the boat at the island. The son, however, still agreed that it was pretty awesome, except he didn't have the camera filming the whole thing. Mum mentioned that she demanded the film of the incident from the company, as they do photo and video of you on the way up and around. That should fill the details like height, and where it was when he dropped (remember - Son, Cheeky and I were talking about our recent flight, and Mum - back on the platform - was green around the gills and was face down with her daughter pouring water over the back of her head). The only thing we know from him is that the clip on his harness came undone. He remembers going up, falling, trying to hit the water feet first, but then nothing until being back on the floating platform. We handed everything back over to them, and exchanged fb details. They're promising to keep in touch with whatever photos they get of the incident. We all agree that its a bitching story, and needs the pics to go with it. They were incredibly grateful for us trying to keep the kids calm (Son was fine, but as I said, Daughter was beside herself and Mum was in no state to pay attention to her). I tried to get him a bottle of rum as a get well gift, but Mum has barred him from it for a while :P -- We caught up with them this morning. This all happened yesterday. We were checking out today. The morning news they got from the hosp was that the CT scan came back clear, and he's to be released this afternoon (at time of writing this, he's probably just arrived at the resort). His ear and nose started bleeding again during the night, so thats something that needed looking into. The expectation is that he'll be fine to fly on the weekend, but again - wait and see. But out of all of this, whats the one thing we learned? The one thing that will stay with us until the end of our days? Is it to be wary of activities not covered by our insurance when travelling to places that may not have the same safety standards that we're used to? Is it to say not to getting high? Is it to not mix alcohol and water activities? No. The moral of this tale is quite simple, and true: Better you than me.
  4. Juggs

    What to bake?

    Very easy. Bake Twice Firecrackers. You need: 1) Water crackers. 2) Peanut butter. 3) Aluminium foil. 4) Weed. Step 1: Preheat the oven to about 110 - 120c. Step 2: Spread the peanut butter over one side of ALL of the crackers you will be needing. Step 3: Place a small pinch of some mulled up weed on the peanut butter of one cracker. Step 4: Take a second cracker, with peanut butter, and press it over the herbed up cracker prepared in 3. Smush them together. Step 5: Rinse, repeat. I mean, how fucked up do you wanna get? Step 6: Wrap them in the foil. Step 7: Pop them in the oven for about 10 - 15 mins. Keep close to it, you don't want it to burn. Burning peanut butter is very obvious. Step 8: Let them cool for a moment, then eat one. Step 9: Invite your "friend" to eat one too. Step 10: Wait about half an hour. Have an awesome body high without the paranoia of the house smelling like weed. Step 11: Finally have some sexy times. You're welcome.
  5. Forgot to mention a couple of things. 1 - We were in Mauritius 2 - They estimated the drop to be about 5-6 storys!!
  6. Juggs

    Video games are addictive

    Only mildly offensive? Ok then. She's a certified double bagger.
  7. Juggs

    Video games are addictive

    She's a horror head...
  8. The cinematic trailer...
  9. Juggs

    What whisk(e)y are you drinking?

    In my (dwindling) collection atm (yay honeymoons and duty free!): Talisker 10 Ardberg 10 Glenfiddich 18 Glenfiddich 30 And my roughie that I always keep on hand, a bottle of BNJ I've also got a bottle of Mekhong, which is called a Thai Whiskey, tho its technically closer to a rum. Right next to the above, I've also got the following: Courvoisier VS Courvoisier VSOP 2x Courvoisier XO Oh! And I was given a large bottle of Chivas at my bucks, but nfi where it is now...
  10. Juggs

    US election

    If your eyes happened to be painted on, sure. I could see how you would think that.
  11. Juggs

    Land Rights

    2 acres!
  12. Juggs

    Colorado legalises marijuana?

    Actually, no. Thats our legal system. In the states, there can be differences between state and federal law. Which is why the feds try to shut down dispensaries in California, but as they aren't breaking any state law, not a great deal happens to them in a legal sense. Many do end up shutting down, because they end up having stock confiscated and so on, and lose a lot of money dealing with the hassles of being busted by the feds, but thats about it. Theres a shitload of reading on the net about it, heres one that i grabbed quickly because i knew someone would want a link.
  13. Juggs

    At home and Hawkeye visits.

    Its ok. I bought it for the bottle. I'll be refilling it when i finish it.
  14. Juggs

    At home and Hawkeye visits.

    Just finished tidying up the bar. Cheeky didn't like the way it was all laid out before on the buffet, and well, I kinda agree. It looked all over the place, wasn't uniform, and just looked shabby. Spent the last 30 mins shifting it to here. The buffet still has the decanters and the glasses, but is much neater now.
  15. Juggs

    phone workout apps

    i used the nike+ app. i had the nike+ kit (with the receiver in the shoe), but now just use the nike + gps app that uses the phone gps to track your run. pretty good. the nike + app is free. the nike gps app is a couple of bux. i've also used couch to 10k, but found it didn't work for me. if you wanna run 10k - just go out and do it. you don't need to be told to run for 30 seconds, then walk for 90. the app i use the most tho, is round timer. set the number of rounds, duration, rest breaks, etc. works well. those the are the ones i use most. i've used others, bt they're not all that memorable.
  16. Juggs

    Anyone here use Reddit?

    Robzy sure does.
  17. I wonder if he'd have seen the halls of Valhalla if that's what he grew up with as the concept of an afterlife.
  18. Juggs

    The Ultimate Fighting Championship

    I think guys like Chael are good for the sport. There are too few real personalities these days, and he's that over the top grab factory that people just eat up in good fun. When he wins, its good to see him back it up. But, and this is the big thing going for him right now, he's the type of guy to call out people he really has no right to call out. Getting his arse kicked again by Silva didn't hurt him. Getting his arse kicked by Jones won't hurt him. He's like the small guy in the group that talks a big game and picks the biggest guy in the bar. You all have a good laugh at the shit he comes out with, and help carry him home when he cops a black eye. Having said all that, I'd like Sonnen to pick up a few fights after Jones that he actually has a chance of winning. Remind people that he isn't a perpetual shit stirring fight loser. Hell, if he was able to legitimately work his way up to a rematch vs jones (and believe me, it'll happen) then he could retire happily. If he lost to jones at the end of TUF17, he'd be what - 2, 3 fights away from a rematch? Love him or hate him, he's great for the sport.
  19. Juggs

    The Ultimate Fighting Championship

    In that he went down faster than a $2 hooker.
  20. Anything applicable to our laws?
  21. I don't operate heavy machinery, rather I drive a desk. However my fuckups, and those of my colleagues, have the very likely potential to kill others. Especially given it is an environment where 12 hour shifts are the norm, overtime and on call is plentiful and operationally required. I've had to be stood down in the past, because I've accrued far too many hours in the space of a week. It wasn't safe for me to be driving to work, let alone actually doing my job. It wasn't because I was after every dollar I could get my hands on, it was because it was needed. And when you're a reliable performer, you get relied upon a bit too much at times. I don't have a problem with this.
  22. Juggs

    Post Your Latest Real Life Purchase!

    i'd post the pics, but that'd ruin the surprise for everyone...
  23. Juggs

    White collar recession

    This has nothing to do with music. You don't have control of your clients/customers. Rob. Of course, but I have control over who my target audience is. Actually, you don't. This reminds me of something i saw in a Mad magazine many, many years ago. Something about the pitfalls of being a famous singer. The panel in question was something along the lines of: "You have no control over who buys your merchandise" and had a 200kg redneck wearing a mariah carey shirt with her face on the front - the face all distorted due to his size. Point being - you can market it however you like, but doesn't necessarily mean that a) your intended market will go for it, and b) that other markets won't crop up that you weren't intending. So, for example, if you were marketing at a specific market (lets just go really generic and say geeks), and somehow the mum and dad market pick up on it - and you then neglect them, with the mindset that you want to control your market and they're outside of it? they're the ones who are going to badmouth you, your company and your products. Ultimately you have less control over your target market(s) than you think. As was experienced by Burberry when every chav in the UK adopted bulgarian Burberry rip-offs as their chief fashion item of choice... And everything to do with this.
  24. Juggs

    White collar recession

    I think that you misunderstood what Cyb3r meant by saying that he could "control his target market." I understood Cyb3r's point as being that he could choose which market he wants to go after (because he is self employed). I.e. which market he targets. My counter-point was that I have a similar amount of control as to what market I want to go after (even though I'm an employee). I.e. which market I targets. I don't think that either of us intended to suggest that we control which market is interested in us. We only suggested that we can control which market we target. Rob. True, but are you going to turn around and ignore someone who isn't your ideal target market? Less so you, more so Cyber who is working for himself and intending on selling his product. If an unexpected market springs up, and they were outside your intended market, would you turn your back on them? And i'm not talking about 15 year olds developing a taste for UDL's. You can control who you target - who you want to go after - but it all comes down to how you're received, by that market or others. That much you have no control over, and should perhaps encourage you to re-evaluate how you attempt to position your product.
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