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GhostWhoWalks

Dealing with bad news... how do you handle it?

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People die.

 

It's been going on for a long time.

 

People are assholes too

 

Its been going on for a long time..

 

Arse.

Arsehole.

 

 

This is an asshole...

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Don't be silly, Americanisms are preferred on this forum.

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People die.

 

It's been going on for a long time.

 

People are assholes too

 

Its been going on for a long time..

 

Arse.

Arsehole.

 

 

This is an asshole...

Posted Image

 

Don't be silly, Americanisms are preferred on this forum.

 

Just becareful where you're pointing that finger, young lady.

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Idle hands are the devils playthings.

 

TV and walking are my main two, or even just an interesting and complex trigonometry problem to nut out.

 

But I've not had anything seriously bad happen. No big relationship breakups, and no deaths of anyone close to me.

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When I made the decision to leave my ex-wife, on that evening, afterwards, I walked 17 kilometres.

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Sorry for your loss dude, and yes, two major ones in a short period of time would be extremely stressful.

 

In a recent loss I found just being with people who understood was very therapeutic. In my case it was my brothers and sisters. Since we were all in the same boat so to speak, it was very helpful to just be around each other. You know what each other is going through because your going through it yourself. We didn't necessarily say or do anything different or special, just hung out. Trying to work your way though these things by yourself is a bad thing IMO. Talk to family or friends, whoever you think will understand...

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I got back to Australia a few weeks ago from my father's funeral in the States, and last night I got a call from my sister to tell me my grandmother has passed.

 

Two major deaths in two months is a bit much, it's rather severly taxing my coping mechanisms that were already stressed after dad and dealing with the service and family.

 

Curious how you deal with your own personal bad news? Alcohol? Therapy? Repression? Depression? Etc.

 

Tell me interesting things to help take my mind off things! Heh.

It gets me down for a while, but then I pick myself up, dust off and carry on. Life goes on.

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..two major ones in a short period of time would be extremely stressful.

In 1994 I went to 5 funerals and my dog died.

That was a cracker of a year!

:s

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My sincere condolences GWW.

 

They are family, sounds like you liked them as people also....makes it more intolerable, I think.

 

Personally, the shortness of temper is an unwillingness to suffer fools / foolishness.

I liked and respected my father as a person of mammoth tolerance for his lot in life. He didn't waste words, but showed his

care and respect of you in actions. Scared the willies out of us though, if we were caught doing stupid / harmful shit.

 

It still pisses me off that he's no longer around (ten years this year).

When he died I was in Cairns. Went inside a CoE church (willingly) first, since leaving home as teenager.

Just sat there, for 'bout an hour I think, no one else around. Simply going on a bit of a memory trip, found it helpful.

 

Looking back now, I think he respected my desire to get the hell away...he would regularly send letters to me.

Surprised me no end, 'cause whilst at home, you could be in the same room for an hour, with no conversation,

rather peaceful really ...:)

 

 

 

 

 

..two major ones in a short period of time would be extremely stressful.

In 1994 I went to 5 funerals and my dog died.

That was a cracker of a year!

:s

 

Wow :(

 

I don't go to funerals....

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They are family, sounds like you liked them as people also....makes it more intolerable, I think.

Our fathers sound somewhat alike. Hard men from a different era.

 

I was ok at his funeral, though the 21 gun salute broke me down and loaded me like a shotgun.

 

 

I'm not sure I ever liked my dad, but I respected him as I grew older. The more of a man I became the more like him I ended up being. Things are funny like that.

 

I never wanted to be like him as a child as a teen I wanted nothing to do with him and his lifestyle, now I consider that some of the best parts of my personality having come from him.

 

 

My grandma was just cool. Was a carney for a while, before that worked at ringling brothers as a trapeeze act, world traveller. You don't get to smoke Camel non-filters for 50 years and not pay the piper though.

 

Like my old man, you don't drink and drug your way through life as a way to cope with non-diagnosed PTSD and not expect to pay the toll on the road.

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It's interesting how many people are suggesting alcohol.

 

Short term, I can understand the desire. Long term however, using alcohol as a coping mechanism can lead to some significant issues, and essentially only defers having to deal with the problem. It can change from a coping mechanism to an addiction when you feel you're entitled to a drink after anything bad happens, beginning a vicious cycle.

 

You can't move forwards while you're intoxicated. Trying to completely forget isn't feasible most of the time, and is also disrespectful in my opinion. You're better off facing it with a clear head, and trying to gain something from the experience.

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It's interesting how many people are suggesting alcohol.

 

Short term, I can understand the desire. Long term however, using alcohol as a coping mechanism can lead to some significant issues, and essentially only defers having to deal with the problem. It can change from a coping mechanism to an addiction when you feel you're entitled to a drink after anything bad happens, beginning a vicious cycle.

 

You can't move forwards while you're intoxicated. Trying to completely forget isn't feasible most of the time, and is also disrespectful in my opinion. You're better off facing it with a clear head, and trying to gain something from the experience.

I don't drink alcohol. So no concerns there for me. But yes, quite a few people seem to ride that particular wagon.

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My grandma was just cool. Was a carney for a while, before that worked at ringling brothers as a trapeeze act, world traveller. You don't get to smoke Camel non-filters for 50 years and not pay the piper though.

Your grandmother sounds fantastic, GWW :) Would have been fun to chat with her.

 

My grandparents were gone by the time I was 20. Never had a close association with any of them. Don't have a clue what they did

in their formative years. Can only assume family shit must have occurred to widen the gulf...so I think you're lucky to have the

memories you do.

 

edit: needed an "n"

Edited by eveln

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My 2 year old godson passed away earlier this year. His father, my best mate has been seeing a counselor and says it really helps. I never realized how much I had become attached to that little guy. He was awesome and was just starting to get a personality. I took a week off work, didn't sleep much, and drank lots with the father's family. It didn't really take me long to get over it, but I couldn't imagine what his father must be going through.

 

When a close friend passed away a few years ago, I didn't deal with it real well. I went a bit nuts, violent, depressed for about a year, then I just had streaks of depression for the year after that.

 

Different people take things differently.

Edited by RenascentMisanthropy

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I haven't had to answer the question really- my grandmother passed away from cancer a while back, but I was so remote from her that I probably didn't suffer as much grief as I should have- she lived in the UK and I only really knew her from visits so it wasn't anywhere near as debilitating a loss as it was for the other members of her family.

 

That said, somebody I care a great deal about is in the advanced stages of cancer at the moment, and it's something I haven't really prepared myself to deal with yet if it happens to go terminal. For some reason I just can't bring myself to think of that possibility, I just always tell myself that she's going to come out of it alive and well. I honestly hope I don't have to deal with the other possibility, I think it might actually shake me pretty hard.

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I deal with death in the immediate family very, very badly :(

 

My heart felt condolences go out to you, mate.

 

Lite on the booze is good advice! I developed the drinking problem I had when younger as a reaction to the passing of my Mother (the booze near took me to the same place), I did a little better when my Farther passed a number of years later - probably as I had learned something from my experience, but still very difficult when these things happen.

 

Umm...*man hugs*

 

Edit:spelling.

Edited by datafast69

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It doesn't affect me too badly.

 

I'll reflect on it for a bit, think about the good they did in life and hope they enjoyed the ride. Shed a tear here and there when I hug a family member or friend who is more outwardly affected then myself.

 

I don't lose sleep, I don't drink to get over it or do anything differently.

 

 

But I feel like I'm slightly emotionally neutered over here, so don't listen to me!

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sorry to hear.

 

 

distraction: games, books, friends. but i say one thing and then weeks later i have to be honest with myself that i've ended up in a big depressive hole - so that's when talking to someone who is trained helps. you sound like you're ok, but do watch and catch yourself up if you recognise within yourself that you need a bit of extra help. sometimes it doesn't hit until later. christmas, anniversaries...

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I'd recommend therapy first off if you think you'd like to talk to someone about it, but coming to your own conclusions about how it is the way of all things, is also a good one, there's peace in recognising that. Sure it doesn't make the hurt disappear immediately, but once you cotton on to the fact that sooner or later it'll happen to all of us (future advances in technology permitting) then, in my experience, you can live happily reminiscing about the good times you had and ultimately when you're ready or comfortable, understand that there's nothing more that can be done.

 

In fact, it can be seen in a positive light as a reminder to you not to waste too many present moments worrying about the past or the future and to instead just live in the here and now and enjoy life while you've got it.

 

GB

 

EDIT: Spelling mistake, "The here and now" not "There and now"... lol

Edited by Ghost_Bear

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IS this an appropriate place to say "I've been accused of being a good listener all my life. It's like some one who prays every night saying God's a good listener. Just because you're talking to us doesn't mean we're listening. With me and god, you never really know.".

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