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Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids‏

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Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

 

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Mary had a little lamb.

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two chunks of bread.

 

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Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

 

 

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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man,

'What have you got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon,

'Pies, you dumb ass'

 

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again..

 

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Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock..

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

 

 

---------

 

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

 

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There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

 

 

 

:P

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I knew a couple of those when I was a kid... one of my faves was 'our' version of Popeye

 

I'm Popeye the sailorman

I live in a caravan

Theres a hole in the middle

Where I do my piddle

I'm Popeye the sailorman

 

:P

 

Another was "King Fuckarucka from the Bongo Land" But I don't recall all the words for that, must get in touch with my cousin and ask him.

 

Dad had a "Bawdy Ballads" album and we used to listen to that when the olds weren't around lol

 

Had songs like "The Hairs on her Dicky dido" and "woodpeckers hole", "whoredean school" etc

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Mary had a little Lamb,

You've heard that tale before,

But have you heard she passed her plate

And had a little more.

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Had songs like "The Hairs on her Dicky dido" and "woodpeckers hole", "whoredean school" etc

Here's the full version of Woodpeckers hole.

 

WARNING: NSFLK (Not Safe For Little Kiddies)

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Had songs like "The Hairs on her Dicky dido" and "woodpeckers hole", "whoredean school" etc

Here's the full version of Woodpeckers hole.

 

WARNING: NSFLK (Not Safe For Little Kiddies)

 

 

Ooooo thanks.. if anyone knows how to get hold of the whole album i would love it :)

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Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

To get her poor doggy a bone

But when she bent over

Rover took over

And gave her a bone of his own!

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Had songs like "The Hairs on her Dicky dido" and "woodpeckers hole", "whoredean school" etc

Here's the full version of Woodpeckers hole.

 

WARNING: NSFLK (Not Safe For Little Kiddies)

 

I learn something new every day....

*smirks*

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Jack be nimble

Jack be quick

Jack jumped over the candlestick.

Silly little boy

Should have jumped higher

Goodness gracious

Greats balls of fire.

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Mary had a little lamb

the doctor was surprised

then Old McDonald had a farm

He couldn't believe his eyes

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*chuckles*

 

One or two of those have been around since I was a kid. But they still give me a laugh.

 

Nice work guys. :)

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Mary had a little lamb

its flease was black as charcoal

every time it jumped the fence

sparks can out its asshole

 

 

This is also some of my favourites that we used to play when the olds were out

 

Little Lulu

 

Once again NSFLK

Edited by Madz007

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Mary had a little lamb

she also had a duck

she took em behind the kitchen door

and taught them how to

 

Fry fish for dinner,

fry fish for tea,

The more you eat, the more you drink

The more you need to

 

Peter had a boat

The boat began to rock

Up cam Jaws and

Bit him on his

 

Cocktails, ginger ale,

forty cents a glass

and if you don't like it

you can styick it up your

 

Ask no questions

Tell no lies

I saw a policeman

doing up his

 

Flies are bad but

mosquitoes are worse

and this is the end

of my dirty little verse.

 

-X

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