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Xap

Those who said i was crazy...

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Guys - lets stop this right now before it becomes a shitfight. It's Xaps thread, not somewhere for people to fight over differing opinions...

 

Couldn't agree more.

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D, I think they are just worried that you might be encouraging her to stop taking meds entirely.

 

I know you arent though, but I get where they are coming from.

 

I was prescribed on meds, and I had conflicting opinion from many doctors about it. Doctors mind you, who didnt know the full story. I was asked if I am currently taking anything during an examination for something completely unrelated with a specialist (thyroid probs) and I said yes, zoloft for anxiety. To which the specialist said "hmm, hurry up and get off them".

 

Not because it would interfere with the thyroid or anything. Just the way he said it, obviously he doesnt think I should be on them, full stop :P

 

 

His comments stayed with me though. I dont take mine properly because I dont like the way they make me feel. Inderal made me feel as if I was drunk, without the sillyness. I could constantly taste blood, and in my eyes! Juggs thinks im REALLY fkn crazy when I said that. I could taste blood in my eyes. As in, my eyes could taste blood. Not I can taste the blood in my eyes. Yeah...I know, it sounds whack.

 

Zoloft makes me feel restless. Like I have to keep constantly stretching out and tensing my muscles. I also feel as if there is a sheer curtain over the clarity of my mind. As in, say you are looking out a window, but there is a sheer curtain in the way. You can see outside as normal no probs, but there its there. I dont like that. I like looking out the window with a clear view. No sheer curtain. Thats how my mind feels when im on them. I think it frustrates me and thats why I feel restless...

 

 

So yes, I do get your viewpoint too Director. Im really funny though, its not that I disagree with medications, I just like to hold off on them unless they are absolutely necessary. For example, I dont take panadol or nurofen, unless im REALLY in pain. Ive only taken them for extreme period pain that had me doubled over and vomiting, it seriously felt like I was in labour, and when I had all 4 wisdom teeth removed. So obviously I do agree with meds, but I like to hold off for times when its really needed. If im taking them, then you know I do.

 

With everyone saying "what are you taking that for!!!" from family members who dont understand, like my mum who I think its more just she cant handle the thought of it, and not taking meds means I somehow dont have a problem anymore. To doctors with conflicting opinions, some hand out drugs like candy and some opt other answers like vitamins, change of diet, therapy etc before going down that path.

 

 

No one but her treating doctor should be listened to in regards to what she should and shouldnt be taking. Director was suggesting she talk to the doctor about it because it might not be the right dosage or even the right medication for her, and D, sometimes suggesting the eventual coming off of meds can make it sound to people that she doesnt need them at all.

 

Of course, the desired outcome for most people is to be able to one day come off them gradually, yes I agree. But some people sometimes need to "come off" to a very low dose, not come off entirely but a constant low dose just to stablise. Then they try and see how no meds go, and if not, bac onto the low dose again.

 

 

I do agree she should speak to her doctor about her current treatment plan now a diagnosis has been made, and go from there.What she was prescribed 7 years ago pre diagnosis may not be relavant now in the light of new facts.

Edited by CheekyChops

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Thanks Cheeks,

 

Yeah I know what you mean, I was offered similar things years ago and decided 'no thanks' and sought out the experts who had the solutions to a drug-free resolution. Took a bit longer of course but we got there in the end. ;P (Now I'm just a normal paranoid conspiracy nut like everyone else. :) )

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Hey Xap, we've not met before, I didn't start hanging out here until after you took your leave of absence by the sound of it. I have a friend who we suspect is a BPD sufferer, we're pretty worried about him at the moment because he's gone through a bad breakup and not dealing with it so well, seems to had some psychotic breaks and spent a fair bit of time in a ward. I'm a temporary member of the PAC at the moment until I move over to Sydney in mid-late January, I'd love to catch up with you for a chat, sounds like you're trying to turn over a new leaf and that's fantastic, but not always easy with people you've been around for a while - even if they have no issues with you, it's not always easy to fight your own perceptions of what others may think, but I think this thread has shown pretty clearly that the rest of the Atomic crew remembers your time here quite differently from how you do. And I know the PAC crew are lovely lads, but sometimes it's just not the same as having a girly chat! Feel free to PM me, or we might try to get a PAC event happening in January for you to come along to, I suppose I should say so long to the motley crew before I head off anyway...

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It seems to me that all my friends and myself have some disorder.

most of my friends are either ADD or ADHD.

 

I say sometimes mental disorders make people more interesting, other than clones out of a factory floor. Such as autism, it can make some people incredibly good at something e.g. mathematics

But it all has its side effects.

 

btw some doctors give out meds like they give out panadol.

and doctors are not always right.

often people are diagnosed with a disorder but they have a differing one.

 

all in all, I hope you has a great Christmas.

Happy Holidays from Mario :)

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Glad to hear some clarity has been brought to light for you Xap.

 

Though I don't think we had much interaction in the past, I sincerely hope that life takes a turn for the better for you. But whatever the reason, whatever the emotion - never believe that you are a burden or useless. We all have our purpose, and you'd be surprised as to how many people actually value and care about you. I can attest to this, as I opened up to a close friend the other night for the first time in I don't know how many years... And I feel so much better for it - just never thought that people would want to know/care/listen to/about my problems that I bury deep inside.

 

Personally, I don't know the first thing about BPD, what I do know is that I was diagnosed with atypical AS at the age of 13 after being trialed on most drugs known to man. I'm 25 now, and as many here can attest (from the decade or so I've been posting) that has been a bumpy time up and down and all around with my moodiness and shit. We all have our times of adversity and we all learn and grow from them, just whatever you do, don't give up and know that your dreams are achievable. It's just a matter of finding the right place, the right people, and the right state of mind. But most of all, it takes time.

 

For example, it's only recently that I can truly say that I am progressing personally - the first major changes in many years are happening right now, and to be honest it's taken the support and understanding of a VERY tolerant and compassionate workplace/employer that would rather see me develop my full potential (and also become generally happier) than toss me aside because I'm too difficult. I stuffed up, I was pulled up, and plans were put in place to rectify the issues. And from feedback I've received, people are noticing a marked improvement. It's not easy, and to be honest, I'm pretty miserable at the moment - but that's due to such a taxing change in my approach to things and my general attitude. Going from cynical and negative and angry to bouncy, positive, optimistic and happy is not exactly the most natural of changes. But the work is paying off and it's becoming progressively more natural, and I'm better for it.

 

At the end of the day, atomicans may be a bunch of pretentious cunts, but they are a loving and accepting bunch of pretentious cunts, and when shit hits the fan, we generally band together in support, regardless of what's come before.

 

Chin up kiddo - your whole life is just beginning :)

 

PS: Happy 21st :)

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Welcome back Xap, I wasn't a regular poster when you were still here.. But I do remember seeing a couple of your posts, you seemed pretty cool :)

 

I haven't had any exposure to cases of BPD, but I wish you the best and we'll all be here to help you whenever you need I'm sure of it.

 

Also, happy birthday!

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D, we don't usually mind your new age crap, but when there's someone here with genuine trouble asking for advice, I'd suggest you don't give yours, since you don't have any idea what you're talking about.

You have a lot of faith in big pharma I see. Good for you! I was on antidepressants for 10 years and when I took myself off them I noticed how much I'd missed. Emotions, clear thinking, smell, sight, touch, hearing, personality, you name it. All anti-depressants do is replace the concrete block of depression on your chest with the iron plate of drug induced coma. Now whilst I would have stayed on the anti-depressants (or be dead) if I hadn't found something far more effective and far less disruptive I'd think a change and experimentation would be far better than just putting up with something that obviously doesn't work. Director wasn't talking about homeopathy!

 

Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY XAP - I hope you are having the official 21st bash despite everything. Everyone deserves a big occasion for their big occasion :)

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*facepalm*

 

Let's just agree to disagree here, guys - or at least start a thread for it. Some people have good experiences on meds, some don't, but I don't see how a debate in this thread will do anybody good.

 

Oh yeah, and happy birthday :)

Edited by shuriken

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:)

 

I didn't think there was much wrong with D's advice actually, but Spidey is right, and Xap isn't going to just bin her pills without chatting to the guys who have now diagnosed what ails her I'm sure.

 

That said there is a large body of evidence that Prozac is not what it is cracked up to be, it's been implicated in a lot of irrational behaviour over the years.

 

That's true of most anti-depressants unfortunately, in one particularly bad place I was put on Cipramil and just like with Cheeks it left me numb, it also had some nasty physical side effects, so I ditched it and went back to good ol' vitamins, much better.

 

I also changed doctor's not that I go often, and he has a refreshing attitude of accepting that naturopaths are like doctors, there are good and bad ones and the good in his view know just as much about the mysteries of the human body and mind as he does, perhaps more.

 

PTSD is an insidious bastard, leads to anxiety attacks, believe me I know. I can go years without exceriencing one then go running for the shelter of sweet Valium (a bottle of the stuff typically lasts me about three years, but I don't let my supply run out.) I suppose the thing is that I only take a small dose, very infrequently on an as-need basis by recognising the need.

 

What I find really works, proven by going off them occasionally, is the aforesaid vitamins.

 

I just took my daily dose, 1000IU Vitamin E, Betacarotene (metabolises as needed to Vitamin A, which of itself can be toxic if taken directly) Betamin, which is B1, CoQ10, some chewable Vitamin C, Blackmore's joint supplement (you can't bust as many body parts as I have and not get pay-back, that stuff is great for the aches) and wash it all down with a Berocca.

 

I probably need some mineral supplements as well, but I don't self-prescribe those, can be nasty, I'll be getting an update of my profile soon.

 

That's not a suggested profile for everyone by the way, it's just what works for me in countering the vissisitudes of life.

 

Simply put we are all different, what works for one may not for another, but whatever meds work for someone the combination of a good diet, plenty of water and supplements because so much of our food just isn't as rich in vitamins and minerals as it could be, is worth looking at, especially if like me you smoke and drink.

 

So, I'd recommend along the way considering a check up by a naturopath, and a bit of reading on the subject, you can't really trust anyone but yourself and how you feel when it comes to your health, doctors and alternative medicine folks are guides, nothing more except when the former have to perform repairs or surgery :)

 

Oh and if it is your Birthday Xap, have a great one ;)

 

Cheers

Edited by chrisg

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Yep i am 21 today, thanks for birthday wishes guys. :) Unfortunately, no party, as i really didn't have enough friends to invite to one, and mum said no one in the family would come cos it's so close to Christmas, and sadly the lunch i had planned today was canceled, but it's okay i am going to a theme park this sunday with a few people, so that should be fun *fingers crossed*

 

As for my meds, i've spoken to multiple doctors about them, as my mum hates me being on them, while my dad thinks they are the bomb. All my doctors have said the same thing 'you'll be on anti depressants for life' BUT the psychiatrist who diagnosed me with BPD said that anti depressants can make BPD much worse than it already is, he asked me a lot of questions but i got a little flustered, as i have trouble remembering things, because i like to 'bubble' them out of existence. So i gave him the impression i definitely still needed them, but it's been 3 years since i last tried going off of them, and when i did i ended up going back on them because my head was so full of intense emotions, and since my doctors told me there was nothing wrong with me other than hormones, i assumed it was all apart of depression.

 

So i do need to go back to my doctor and plan to come off them or at least talk it out a little more, and maybe just try the mood stabiliser, i know what depression feels like because i definitely suffered from it in my early teens. The worse thing that can happen is that i have to go back on them (okay bar suicide but lets not go there..). The mood stabiliser is called lamotrigine, and the list of possible side effects is enough to give anyone a panic attack! But i will take them, and if these ones don't work, i'll try a different one. Because i know there is no way currently in my life that i can go on how i have been, there is no way to describe the despair i feel. My emotions are 20 fold of a regular persons, i have 'triggers' that cripple me for hours, even days, and what the person said or did, they would have NO clue because it was just an innocent passing comment, something no one else would get upset about. Suddenly they are my enemy, and i hate them with my entire being, and then EVERYONE is against me, so i delete almost my entire msn list, i go on facebook and purge a group of people from my life, i've done this with family, specific groups of friends, and yes my atomican buddies. It just seems so right at the time, if i can cut contact with these people i won't get hurt! But in reality it hurts them, leaving them confused and dejected, and it hurts me because i am all alone, and while i think i'd prefer that, i have moments when i let my walls down and bawl my eyes out because i am a friendless loser.

 

Director my dear fellow, while i know medication is dangerous, i am actually more dangerous, i can become very very violent, i have tried stabbing people, i have punched people, clawed, bitten, threatened my own suicide and slashed myself to the point where i needed stitches and was this close to needing surgery because i grazed my tendon. (and that would have cost a lot of money that no one in my family has)

 

Cheeky, i did delete you from my msn, but it wasn't personal, it was just in one of my fits of hating atomic and blaming you all for how i felt. I'm sorry for that. I relate to what you're saying bigtime, i always take the easy way out of things, it's such an addictive path to follow. I'm glad you're managing to conquer it, i hope that someday i can too. Though with BPD i have spouts of invincibility so sometimes it seems like i am confident and all together, that's the scary thing about my condition, no one knows what i am like behind the scenes except those really close to me, i am charming and delightful in front of others, and they'd never suspect.

 

Missham, that sounds great, i have a hard time connecting to women especially (they're all out to get me in my head you see :p ) but i've had pretty good luck with the gals on atomic in the past, and i'm definitely ready to get back on the PAC meet horse, so i'd love to meet you!

 

But everyone be assured that i do a lot of googling (my version of research), and i WILL get better.

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Crikey!

 

It's a great thing for you to find the meaning behind it all, and whilst it doesn't help cure it in the short term, that you took the step to share it goes a long way, and also helps those that care to understand and accept you moreso.

 

Hope to see you around, and I'd love you meet my new partner - She's worlds apart from the jealous angry person I was with before, and gets along with everyone much better than I do :)

 

Peace out, and merry statistical advancement day too.

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:)

 

21!!!! Wow, that's a significant one :)

 

(Although some Atomicans seem not to think so, once a while back in Melbourne I called a friend who doesn't come here any more to see if she wanted a bite to eat and it was HER 21st!!! So, myself and some friends took her to dinner and she had a great Birthday :) )

 

Either way, have a great one!!!

 

Cheers

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*e-hugs

 

While it's not BPD (although I do know someone with it), my girlfriend has severe anxiety, and I personally was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. Just know that you are a good person, and that you will get through it!

 

I recently lost my job due to a bout of depression. Not wanting to move from your bed for a week, and the few weeks it takes me to recover from a proper episode really didn't go down well. It's a good thing mind you, that job was terrible. I certainly don't have BPD, but I know what it's like to be a bit of a wreck. You get my empathy, and I know you'll get past this to lead an awesome life :)

I have both Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and Clinical Depression. Good to know there are fellow sufferers out there, still trundling along. Keep it up Girvo.

 

As for you Xap. Misery loves company. And as long as you're in the company of depressed, strange people (of which you'll find many here)... you'll get much encouragement, support, and anonymous love. This is Atomic. It's like a huge Nerd support group, but there are divided areas to talk about nerdy things. So next time you're down in the dumps... come here, start a thread, PM someone.... and no doubt you'll have more than enough people willing you oblige you with comfort, or some funny jokes.

 

Peace out sister

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Happy birthday, Xap.

 

+1 D re Prozac. Much better to figure out how to re-wire your brain than stew it in something you have to keep paying for in $ and side effects... treadmills FTL.

 

Thankfully, I can point you in the right direction on that score -> Dan Siegel can tell you all about how mindfulness meditation and other techniques will promote greater integration of your frontal lobes with the rest of your brain, improving just about every aspect of your life. Integration is totally good for what ails you.

 

I can't recommend Mindsight enough. I haven't even gotten around to acting on most of the advice within, but I'm sure just reading it has made me permanently happier. It was an utter revelation to come across a guy who seems to totally grok how the mind works; reading some of his case studies was moving beyond belief, to see how he uncovered and dealt with the causes of intractable problems in peoples' lives. It's a scientific yet holistic approach he brings, with some novel angles that really hit the spot. Like being the first psychologist to attempt to define the mind before working on it, for example...

 

Check out some of his vids, at least... I bet you'll be inspired by his mastery, insight and enthusiasm for a perspective and process that totally delivers.

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Long time no hear from Xap. *waves*

 

Like everyone else has said, I'm also sorry to hear about your situation.

 

When you need to talk about something, we are always ready to listen.

 

And Happy Birthday. :D

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Oh and music. Listen to uplifting and powerful music. Stay the hell away from depressing music. I can really get a kick out of thumping some decent music out of my car or home stereo. Latest favourites are Gorillaz and Daft Punk. Hard to feel depressed when you are playing the right music or dancing or singing to it.

 

Stay away from Radiohead and NIN Hurt - they aren't good for depression.

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Electric Six. It's impossible to be depressed listening to their songs. Survived my last breakup thanks to Dance Epidemic, I Buy The Drugs and Devil Nights.

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Xap, I've missed ya!!!

 

Happy Birthday! And we all still care :)

 

I still remember when you came to Sydney for Squidy's birthday party. That was definitely a fun night out!

 

*giggles* :P

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