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Mr_Insidious

How to stop truly giving a **** and how did you do it?

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Let me simply say one thing first, don't turn to any kind of substance for relief. You need to address what is making you feel a certain way.

 

Bzzt. Wrong anwser. Smoke weed, pop mdma and drink. Do it all in moderation in social settings and try to let go a little bit.

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Let me simply say one thing first, don't turn to any kind of substance for relief. You need to address what is making you feel a certain way.

 

Bzzt. Wrong anwser. Smoke weed, pop mdma and drink. Do it all in moderation in social settings and try to let go a little bit.

 

 

Bzzzt. Wrong answer. Drugs can exacerbate symptoms of an underlying mental illness.

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Let me simply say one thing first, don't turn to any kind of substance for relief. You need to address what is making you feel a certain way.

 

Bzzt. Wrong anwser. Smoke weed, pop mdma and drink. Do it all in moderation in social settings and try to let go a little bit.

 

 

Bzzzt. Wrong answer. Drugs can exacerbate symptoms of an underlying mental illness.

 

^^ This after seeing my old neighbour loaded into an ambulance after attempting to cut his own hands off after an episode.

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Here's an interesting article from a guy I follow (he just released a book)

 

It basically shows that no one has any fucking idea how you feel by looking at you, or

 

Your subjective experience is not observable

 

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/07/14/the...f-transparency/

I love this article :-)

 

When you're having a tough time, sometimes it feels like all the eyes in the world are on you. You feel that the coworker in the kitchen can see how your skin is crawling with anxiety at the pressure of coming up with small talk. You feel that the person standing next to you at the bus stop can see how afraid you are of being "found out" for being the scared, upset or mopey person you identify yourself to be. You feel that the person running the checkout is judging you for your consumer choices.

 

You feel as though all the world is looking at you. Hostility and judgments are all around you. These people with their constantly staring eyes will discover your "secret" - that you (feel you) are worthless or that you (feel you) are fat. That you (feel you) are a fraud or that you've recently been diagnosed with a mental illness. You feel all your insecurities, constantly, and they wear the eyes of the world, but it's so hard to see that it's a trick of the mind when you're in that place. It feels real, so you treat it as real, instead of the illusion that it is.

 

Perspective is a tremendously powerful tool. Sometimes it needs a bit of a leg up, though.

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Happiness isn't a destination to travel to, it's the way in which you travel to your destination.

 

Believing the world is a shitty place is a shitty way to go through life. Believe me, I know through bitter experience what that is like. When you realise one day there is a genuine alternative, even if sometimes you don't quite feel it, things get easier to deal with and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Bit by bit, day by day, you learn who you are, what your limits are, what you stand for and what you don't. You'll get a better idea of what you want your world to be, and how you want to perceive the world around you. And when things don't quite fit, you get a stronger and dealing with it and just rolling with the punches.

 

The one key piece of advise I have though, learn to relax.

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How about holding on to it and wanting to let go of the recent development of arguments or just general disagreements, it's to the point where your whole chest and stomach hurt as a feeling of regret, I wish i had benders skill. "OMG I lost a friend forever, Oh well, Delete" To be able to turn it off like that would be good, I guess we are all human and it takes time to recover, for some reason this is what I have developed in the last couple years, I want my don't give a fuck sense back :( .

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I love the posts peppered through this thread that scream "I've never gotten to know someone with depression, I've never had it myself, but godamn it, I've got the solution to it! Buck up!".

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Guess I've just had it with life but I know things can be better, if I truly did not give one flying fuck about getting people's (and girls) approval.. why is it a subconscious need I can't iron out? It sucks.

 

Would appreciate others advice on how to stop giving a fuck - how did you do it? What life situation prompted you to actually stop caring and start moving instead of converting the pain of rejection into brutal anger?

 

Cheers

From my point of view I didn't stop caring as such, I physically moved myself a long way away from the people rejecting me - I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable going into the gory details here - this didn't solve the problem

for me although it helped not to have to face them on a daily basis. I stupidly thought that all would be well, not realising I was foisting my biased self on unsuspecting innocents ( people who had no connection whatsoever to my past ).

I was viewing these new bods from the same perspective that had shown me the true colours of the people from my my earlier life. Over time it sunk in for me that I was in the wrong and had to try to ' let go ' of the old

shit so as not to destroy new relationships with all the negative baggage. This is waaaay easier said than done, and I really believe I only achieved it in any significant way, a few years ago.

To do this I had to say my piece to someone I felt was high up on the responsibility ladder for making me feel as I did. Surprising the release it had for me, no I didn't get angry at them, I just calmly, well, nervously told them what

effect certain actions and conversations had had on me, and that if they were curious as to why I never ' returned to the fold ' then maybe they would know now. No ground-breaking momentous fix occurred :) I just feel that my burden has been

halved at least. I'm still here and they are there in their life.

 

There's no quick fix, but I note that ( like me ) you know things can get better...

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I love the posts peppered through this thread that scream "I've never gotten to know someone with depression, I've never had it myself, but godamn it, I've got the solution to it! Buck up!".

They scream that do they?

 

They must not scream it very loudly. My post sounds exactly like that, except I've had it and know many people who do.

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I love the posts peppered through this thread that scream "I've never gotten to know someone with depression, I've never had it myself, but godamn it, I've got the solution to it! Buck up!".

They scream that do they?

 

They must not scream it very loudly. My post sounds exactly like that, except I've had it and know many people who do.

 

The fact is having a depression isn't something you can just 'buck up!'. For many, it's a lot more complicated than that. Edited by Mr.Twinkie

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Sleep. When you don't want to face the world, just sleep.

 

Throw yourself into work, or somewhere you want to be. Make plans for something better and keep yourself busy knowing you're doing something good. When you're doing so much with yourself you're too exhausted to care.

 

Value yourself. You're worth something. Only you need to believe it.

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Sleep. When you don't want to face the world, just sleep.

 

Throw yourself into work, or somewhere you want to be. Make plans for something better and keep yourself busy knowing you're doing something good. When you're doing so much with yourself you're too exhausted to care.

 

Value yourself. You're worth something. Only you need to believe it.

 

What would you think about the idea that perhaps a big part of the problem is that the ideal that you hold "your worth/ your value" up against is completely bullshit in the first place?

 

At the heart of Zen philosophy, achieving nirvana is essentially incorporating at your very being the understanding that (and prepare yourself for a very over simplistic explanation of this - there is a reason why it can take 3 seconds or 3 lifetimes to understand zen and one sentence on a forum would never do it justice) that we are essentially just playing a giant game and that you, the real you, the core you, not the ego you is every much a part of the game as everyone else, perhaps just playing it differently.

 

Without becoming a Zen master, the idea is intriguing. I know that for the most part, when I started really asking myself what game I was actually playing and to what "standard" I was holding myself to and where that "standard" came from did I start to undo some of the mental struggle I placed on myself.

 

To throw yourself into work is admirable, so long as that work is something you want to do. Doing it to exhaust yourself just masks the problem or makes it worse. I know that the more tired I get, the harder it is to deal with the daily grind and with a family it makes it harder to "just sleep" when I want to. I also know the more tired I get the quicker I fall back into old mental patterns as my body and mind revert to survival mode.

 

The problem for me was that it has taken me far to long to really identify where it is I want to be. For years I laboured along where I thought I should be and aimed for what I thought was what was eventually going to make me happy. Turning that around now with a family and mortgage presents a fair challenge and I am not sure how that is going to work however, I also realise that the goal isn't so much important as working in the now and enjoying the experience.

 

In Steve Jobs' speech to Stanford graduates, he talks making your work something you are passionate about. There were a few detractors who misunderstood this as a call for everyone to start their own tech company. You can be very happy in a career in sales, as a labourer, politician, programmer, consultant ... whatever working for someone else or within an entity or company which allows you to do what you love. The politics and whatnot that come with life are much easier to deal with if you are doing what you love.

 

Giving yourself the time, permission and space to get out of your own way (get out of your own head and all the insecurities that exist there) to allow yourself to honestly discover that is something that I believe is essential and something I intend to encourage within my own kids.

 

Not giving a shit isn't really the goal here. Someone who can approach life with a semblance of honesty will most likely find balance and at that point can more honestly answer the question of "what is worth giving a shit about".

 

Should I have prefaced all that with IMHO?

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I love the posts peppered through this thread that scream "I've never gotten to know someone with depression, I've never had it myself, but godamn it, I've got the solution to it! Buck up!".

They scream that do they?

 

They must not scream it very loudly. My post sounds exactly like that, except I've had it and know many people who do.

 

The fact is having a depression isn't something you can just 'buck up!'. For many, it's a lot more complicated than that.

 

Indeed you are correct.

 

However, one of the ways you can overcome depression is with some good advice on how to practically live your life. In fact that very thing can be a component of CBT.

 

I agree, much more may be needed - professional help, counselling, medication, lifestyle changes or changes in circumstance etc.

 

But good advice is still good advice.

 

One would hope that the posts being referred to don't just say "buck up" but actually give some good, practical, advice.

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You can ignore people who say "buck up" "HTFU" or any of that. It translates to "I'm bored of your complaining, and am not interested in really finding out where your troubles are. Let's get back to listening to how I am a god and my opinions are unquestionable."

 

So the question is: How do I get to 3?

 

1. Currently worried about lots of things.

2. ???

3. Not worried about anything.

 

My answer that works for me and most of my friends and what i'm guessing is members of western society in general is...have some things and be grateful for them. Let me elaborate some more:

 

The happiest I've ever been was when I was working a job with whatever hours I wanted, so I could teach classes for dance and martial art. I'm sure that during that time, bad things happened, bad things didn't go my way. Maybe people looked at me funny, said things that could have been offensive, my performances didn't get as big an applause, etc etc.

 

But, I can hardly remember any of that at all. When they happened, they just kinda glanced, rolled off. (this is what you want, yes?)

 

And it's all because, it didn't matter if there was a little something I wanted and didn't get, cos I had quite a lot already. I didn't get a design job I wanted? So what, I have a whole department at work that loves the work I do and will keep supporting me as long as I let them. Some douche makes a snide remark about asians in my presence? So what, I teach a class of 40 students how to dance and they love me. Didn't get some girl I had a mad crush on? So what, one of my martial arts students just protected himself from 20 people and has only me to thank. And so on and so on.

 

Your shield that protects you from being hurt by all these things that don't quite go your way, you can make it out of things that do go your way and being grateful for it. You can start very very small. You can be grateful for a car that is always there and always works. You can be grateful for the fact that everyone you know seems to be outrageously sexy. You can be grateful for finding one coffee shop out of 3 gazillion that makes focaccias that you like. Very small stuff. Keep being grateful and keep building bigger, bigger, bigger things. Things that other people are grateful for too. Be grateful for what other people have done, help them clear their worries and you get...grattitude! =D

 

 

 

There are plenty of other ways to become immune to bad stuff. But this one is mine, and maybe you can build something like it too.

Edited by Kung Fu Hung-Su

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havnt read all of the thread but I understand and will say this..

 

 

you are all alone, deal with it

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Sleep. When you don't want to face the world, just sleep.

 

Throw yourself into work, or somewhere you want to be. Make plans for something better and keep yourself busy knowing you're doing something good. When you're doing so much with yourself you're too exhausted to care.

 

Value yourself. You're worth something. Only you need to believe it.

 

What would you think about the idea that perhaps a big part of the problem is that the ideal that you hold "your worth/ your value" up against is completely bullshit in the first place?

 

At the heart of Zen philosophy, achieving nirvana is essentially incorporating at your very being the understanding that (and prepare yourself for a very over simplistic explanation of this - there is a reason why it can take 3 seconds or 3 lifetimes to understand zen and one sentence on a forum would never do it justice) that we are essentially just playing a giant game and that you, the real you, the core you, not the ego you is every much a part of the game as everyone else, perhaps just playing it differently.

 

Without becoming a Zen master, the idea is intriguing. I know that for the most part, when I started really asking myself what game I was actually playing and to what "standard" I was holding myself to and where that "standard" came from did I start to undo some of the mental struggle I placed on myself.

 

To throw yourself into work is admirable, so long as that work is something you want to do. Doing it to exhaust yourself just masks the problem or makes it worse. I know that the more tired I get, the harder it is to deal with the daily grind and with a family it makes it harder to "just sleep" when I want to. I also know the more tired I get the quicker I fall back into old mental patterns as my body and mind revert to survival mode.

 

The problem for me was that it has taken me far to long to really identify where it is I want to be. For years I laboured along where I thought I should be and aimed for what I thought was what was eventually going to make me happy. Turning that around now with a family and mortgage presents a fair challenge and I am not sure how that is going to work however, I also realise that the goal isn't so much important as working in the now and enjoying the experience.

 

In Steve Jobs' speech to Stanford graduates, he talks making your work something you are passionate about. There were a few detractors who misunderstood this as a call for everyone to start their own tech company. You can be very happy in a career in sales, as a labourer, politician, programmer, consultant ... whatever working for someone else or within an entity or company which allows you to do what you love. The politics and whatnot that come with life are much easier to deal with if you are doing what you love.

 

Giving yourself the time, permission and space to get out of your own way (get out of your own head and all the insecurities that exist there) to allow yourself to honestly discover that is something that I believe is essential and something I intend to encourage within my own kids.

 

Not giving a shit isn't really the goal here. Someone who can approach life with a semblance of honesty will most likely find balance and at that point can more honestly answer the question of "what is worth giving a shit about".

 

Should I have prefaced all that with IMHO?

 

No, you should just speak your mind. No need for pleasantries on this forum, you're expressing an opinion.

 

There are times when there is so much going on, so much to obsess over and so much bringing you down that in order to cope you simply have to stop caring. I have changed my attitude on relationships, what I am doing and the amount I invest in others considerably in recent times just so I can survive by preserving myself and allowing myself more. You are allowed to stop and just 'be.'

 

I agree, if you're going to stop giving a fuck try to determine what is worth caring about. I just feel you should look for it in yourself and appreciate you have your own capabilities. I also agree that you should understand your position in the whole. I find it very grounding. Self reflection is better observed through others than through your own skewed understanding of yourself, through a context with others and an appreciation your surroundings. I find it helps you appreciate an attitude of value in yourself and I think that is an important thing to have. It removes this incessant need to be something or have something or be doing something. The constant, nagging criticisms and expectations you and others form of yourself that you allow to get to you.

 

I speak very differently from you. I don't hold the responsibilities you do in life, not many people are dependent on me nor am I dependent on them. I am in more of a position to be able to stop caring and indulge myself, you have more to care about and make more compromises. I would rather throw myself into work where I am at least making money, or go see and try things where I am enjoying favoured and new experiences, or work on a project that brings something positive and beneficial to myself or others, or reason how much I commit of myself and to whom so there is opportunity for me to rest and enjoy the simple things in my little world. Doing 'nothing' can be very fulfilling.

 

I don't mind so much if I'm not currently doing 'what I eventually want to be', it's not a reflection of my abilities or success. In ten years time I'll be a different person with different goals. All the things I've done that are not a part of my present have in part composed who I am. At least I can happily say they were all things I wanted to try to gain an understanding of and was able to choose to become involved in. I've spent the last few years not really doing what I've wanted but rather making a means to an end that accomodates my investments. There is satisfaction in my simple role and in compromising for a long term goal, it allows me other things I want in life.

 

I don't think narcicism is necessarily a good thing, but you have to remember to think of your best interests, put yourself first and set your own entitlements. You are a person with opinions and limits and interests, value them and others who respect them.

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