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Mac Dude

When does support become spoiling?

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bought me an old Sigma

You could say I was spoilt, and many would see it so.

What.

 

 

'

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I think that is a wonderful idea Mac Daddy.

 

She'll be forever grateful for your generosity, she sounds like she is well disciplined and truly deserves something like this.

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Nich - it all depends on how big the silver spoon is, You can literally tell if a person has had their parents supporting them for way too long.

 

Everything that requires effort is too hard

They take, but dont give

They are hard to compromise with and expect things to go their way

 

etc

 

Obv it depends on the person but 9/10 times I can guess it and be right

Kids don't even need to be born with rich parents to end up like that, one of my mates is exactly like that.

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I am 24, own a house (Bank owns it... for now), am married and on my way to building a very nice career, my secret, my dad taught me to work for what I want and to never scrape by on the bare minimum.

 

Work has always been something I like doing, even when I had shit jobs I hated, I worked my arse off to make sure I stood out as a performer.

 

My work will pay for me to do Uni and TAFE, but that is only because they know it will get them a better asset.

 

I have sponged off mum and dad a bit in my time, and wasted money, but when I moved out on my own, shit got real and I realised what Mum an Dad were grooming me for, they wanted me to succeed on my own, and I think I am doing pretty good.

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bought me an old Sigma

You could say I was spoilt, and many would see it so.

What.

 

 

'

 

The old Sigma's were awesome.

 

Little bit of work and they turn into a beast.

 

Little bit ugly though :)

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I had a kind of epiphany inregards to assistance, In that to a degree your kind of provide assistance to your own children as a form of paying your parents back and so on, you recieve from your parents and give to your kids so you dont nescercarily "owe" your parents but should respect and apreciate what they have given you,

thoughts?

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I had a kind of epiphany inregards to assistance, In that to a degree your kind of provide assistance to your own children as a form of paying your parents back and so on, you recieve from your parents and give to your kids so you dont nescercarily "owe" your parents but should respect and apreciate what they have given you,

thoughts?

I've received a shitload off my parents, and I'm not having kids.

 

 

'

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I had a kind of epiphany inregards to assistance, In that to a degree your kind of provide assistance to your own children as a form of paying your parents back and so on, you recieve from your parents and give to your kids so you dont nescercarily "owe" your parents but should respect and apreciate what they have given you,

thoughts?

That's an interesting take on it :)

 

The missus and I have the concept of a 'family legacy', if you like. That is, there are 'assets' that are passed down from generation to generation, and added to by each. While the legacy might help you while you are developing as an individual, in the long run you contribute more than you take for future generations.

 

What's the purpose of this? It provides assistance for education and housing primarily, which are major expenses when you are younger or trying to establish a family. Then, you contribute to that pool of assets through what you leave behind when you snuff it.

 

This of couse is based on the assumption that given the right level of assistance, people will be net earners throughout their lifetime and be able to contribute, and that the right investment decisions are made along the way.

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In my situation I never received any rent or excessive support from my parents after I moved out (at 19, now 24). I never got my car paid for and I never got my schooling paid for.

 

I did however, while studying have my health / renters insurance paid for by may parents, as I was going without and couldn't afford the monthly repayments - I thought as a young man nothing bad would happen to me. My mum being the kind of person she is said she would rather pay for my insurance than see me risk my health or possessions without insurance. it was a nice thing for her to do, and something I appreciate. If she paid for my rent, I think it's going too far and would likely teach your kids that everything in life is easy.

 

I think if you're kids got their degrees paid for, and a whole bunch of support like food / rent / insurance or whatever paid for, you're giving them a lot more than most get. Don't go overboard, my sister got $5000 from my parents to put towards her first car, which she spent $25,000 on because she wanted a new car instead of second hand. This is an example of spoiling, as she didn't need a new car, and she simply used the money as a free upgrade, instead of just spending her $20k on a second hand car.

 

I have been in a pinch on the odd occasion over the last year or so though, and had to borrow a couple of hundred here or there for different things (like the dentist bill I had 6 months ago), though i can generally get the money back to my parents within a month or two.

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Interesting. I'm 23 this year, my brother is 21 and my sister is 17.

 

My family is comfortable enough, that my brother and sister both have new cars bought for them, and my brother's rent is paid for.

 

My parents wanted to pay for my degree and buy me a car, and their most recent offer was helping me with a house deposit to make it 'even' between us all. Still, turned that down.. I've looked after all that myself, as well as supporting myself out of home and getting a job etc...

 

While my siblings... work very few hours and complain about it, and don't exactly work for the things they want. Speaking first hand, I'd say that my work ethic is because I understand the value of money a little more, simply because I've always worked for what I want.

 

I've also found with relationships, I've dated girls that have had almost nothing given to them, and others who have everything given to them... I've always found those that look after themselves to be far more mature in life.

 

At the end of the day, I'd say best thing is to be there for them when they need you rather than giving them everything, but you know your children better than anyone else :)

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Fast forward to today when we have two 'kids', one doing VCE and one in her 3rd year at Uni. We have provided pocket money, some additional cash over holidays, paid for 'bits and pieces' over the years, cloths, haircuts, the usual stuff.

Paid for their clothes? Gave them pocket money after they turned 8? Spoiled!

 

 

We are also paying for their first degrees, something we decided was a gift from the passing of our parents. The question comes up on a regular basis between the missus and I, when do you pull back on the financial support?

Going to Uni? You should have sent them to the coal-mines to earn their keep!

 

 

I don't think there are simple lines that work for everyone to avoid spoiling their kids.

If you live in the inner city, helping them buy a car might be spoiling them.

If you live in the outer suburbs, then it might be less like spoiling them, as they can't commute into the city in 15 minutes.

 

Giving them something like paying for their first degree, is in my opinion a good idea. It will make a big difference when they start working, and being independent, but it will be in such a way that they don't have the trap of dealing with a big sum of cash. It's basically a tax break of 4 or 8% once they start earning dollars. :)

 

I don't think some martial arts lessons have ever made someone "spoiled".

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I've received a shitload off my parents, and I'm not having kids.

'

Guess you get to save all those potential expenses for yourself!, im curious say you die (after your parents) what will you do with your assets?

 

 

That's an interesting take on it :)

 

The missus and I have the concept of a 'family legacy', if you like. That is, there are 'assets' that are passed down from generation to generation, and added to by each. While the legacy might help you while you are developing as an individual, in the long run you contribute more than you take for future generations.

 

What's the purpose of this? It provides assistance for education and housing primarily, which are major expenses when you are younger or trying to establish a family. Then, you contribute to that pool of assets through what you leave behind when you snuff it.

 

This of couse is based on the assumption that given the right level of assistance, people will be net earners throughout their lifetime and be able to contribute, and that the right investment decisions are made along the way.

Yea ive been thinking about legacy since this post, im only 19 but i already know that i want to build a legacy and and not just that but with the combined total of my descendants and theirs a dynasty.

Keen to ensure my kids make the right financial decisions so they add to the legacy rather than detract from it.

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Ah man - One of the good yet sucky things about living on a farm

 

"Hey dad - Can I have 5 bucks for fuel for the motorbike?"

"Sure, I'll give you 2 bucks to mow the lawn, another buck to wash the car, and 2 bucks if you go and drag that dead sheep out of the swamp"

"But little bro is being driven for over 2 hours along with his horse so he can go to pony club"

"That's because he helps with the horses every afternoon"

"So do I!!"

"And you have the same choice to go to pony club"

"Fsck it - Where'd you say that sheep was?"

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Having recently had a crisis in my house due to my parents threatening to withdraw financial support, I'd like to weigh in and remind you that university is the most financial vulnerable time in anyones life.

 

If you pull financial/life support half way through uni, they'll have to trash their uni degree, and consequently several years of work (three in my case, fortunately that didn't happen), in order to get a job that will pay well enough for them to survive.

 

Basically what it boiled down to in that incident was me telling my father that if he pulled the rug from under me at that point in time, I'd never forgive him and we'd never speak again, and I meant that from the bottom of my heart. Nothing quite like smashing a mans dreams and ambitions to make him hate you.

 

That having been said, I was provided only with what is needed for me to live and learn.

 

My checklist for things you need to provide in order for them to have an honest shot at uni (nothing worse then trying to work 20 hours a week while at uni, done that too):

 

*roof

*water

*food

*clothes

*utilities

 

Nothing special there, same stuff you've been providing for years

 

Extras:

*phone

*bus tickets

 

Beyond that, my parents decided to call it there, which is fair enough in my opinion. I then got a ~9 hours a week evening job washing dishes so I could afford a social life. If you wanted to subsidize their social life as well, I think that could be a sensible decision. It kind of comes down to the person, too. Some people, on bing given that kind of opportunity will recognize you are giving them the only opportunity they have to study without other concerns, others will stagnate.

 

Up to you.

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My younger brother who is 21 rarely gets help because he lives off the dole and already has a kid. He's better off financially than me as well.

wow, really?

 

I wonder what would happen if our welfare system wasnt as awesome as it is, would people still make the choices to have lots of early kids?

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I wonder what would happen if our welfare system wasnt as awesome as it is, would people still make the choices to have lots of early kids?

What, like in the US where no-one has kids until they're in their mid 20s (at the earliest) and have a deposit lined up for their own home and stable employment?

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Guess you get to save all those potential expenses for yourself!, im curious say you die (after your parents) what will you do with your assets?

I have two brothers and a sister. I already have one nephew. There are people who will be happy to take my things.

 

 

'

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I wonder what would happen if our welfare system wasnt as awesome as it is, would people still make the choices to have lots of early kids?

What, like in the US where no-one has kids until they're in their mid 20s (at the earliest) and have a deposit lined up for their own home and stable employment?

 

haha surely there would have to be a plus side for having a welfare system like this, maybe less crime?

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Having recently had a crisis in my house due to my parents threatening to withdraw financial support, I'd like to weigh in and remind you that university is the most financial vulnerable time in anyones life.

 

If you pull financial/life support half way through uni, they'll have to trash their uni degree, and consequently several years of work (three in my case, fortunately that didn't happen), in order to get a job that will pay well enough for them to survive.

You're kidding right?

 

If you're in Australia then that is just bullshit...

 

So much support from the government, get a part time job and HECS. Sure you might not be able to buy yourself a nice car etc, but you will definitely be able to get by and still have a decent time socially.

 

Hardly impossible, and there's flexibility to defer etc until you get shit sorted.

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So much support from the government, get a part time job

You'd be wrong. I already had a part time job. Due to the amount my parents earn, I cannot get a penny to the government until they have verified me independent.

 

Since I was about 2k short of the "independence through supporting yourself through employment" avenue (which has changed since that incident, BTW, and is now hours based) , the qualification for independence in this case being one of:

 

you have parents who cannot exercise their responsibilities, or

you are unable to live at home due to extreme family breakdown, violence in the home, or serious threats to your health or well-being

 

In the time it would have taken to convince centerlink to give me enough money to afford a roof over my head, I'd have been on the street and starving.

 

Getting kicked out of your home isn't a streamlined process my friend. It's lovely that you've never head to deal with centerlink, but you are a bit naive about the whole thing.

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You'd be wrong. I already had a part time job. Due to the amount my parents earn, I cannot get a penny to the government until they have verified me independent.

While I can see it from your perspective, suddenly being cut-off would seriously mess with study routines for a few months, I also think you're seeing it from a sheltered perspective. Lots of people get through uni without support from their parents or the government, but it certainly takes a lot of hard work. I mostly put myself through my engineering degree (parents paid for my first year of college), and I think the experience better prepared me for the Real World™. I always noticed massive maturity and life skill gaps with friends who still lived at home, though to be fair, they generally had better GPAs.

Edited by Akamatsu

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Lots of people get through uni without support from their parents or the government, but it certainly takes a lot of hard work.

Preparation time is also important. Pulling the rug out from under someone denies them that.

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So much support from the government, get a part time job

You'd be wrong. I already had a part time job. Due to the amount my parents earn, I cannot get a penny to the government until they have verified me independent.

 

Since I was about 2k short of the "independence through supporting yourself through employment" avenue (which has changed since that incident, BTW, and is now hours based) , the qualification for independence in this case being one of:

 

you have parents who cannot exercise their responsibilities, or

you are unable to live at home due to extreme family breakdown, violence in the home, or serious threats to your health or well-being

 

In the time it would have taken to convince centerlink to give me enough money to afford a roof over my head, I'd have been on the street and starving.

 

Getting kicked out of your home isn't a streamlined process my friend. It's lovely that you've never head to deal with centerlink, but you are a bit naive about the whole thing.

 

I have experience with exactly what you're talking about. I worked through the end of Highschool part time, and managed to earn the pissy $15K or whatever the threshold is to be considered independent before I was 17. When I left for Uni I was classed as indeendant by Centrelink, parents wages didn't come into the equation, I got around $350 a fortnight from Centrelink (enough to pay for around 95% of my rent), then I worked Sundays for a 9 hour shift at my local PC store to get my food / petrol / bus money. As mentioned, I got my renters insurance ($10 per week) and my emergency healthcare (ambulance insurance basically for $5 per week) paid for by my mum. I still had enough money to have a social life on Friday nights, while on weekdays I studied and / or played PC.

 

To say that being a Uni student in this country is hard, just goes to show how naive YOU are my friend, not Frizzl.

 

Centrelink is hard to deal with when first getting on support payments, but once you are on their support list, it's piss easy. Send in your work hours and pay fortnightly and you're set, miss the deadlines or get lazy on a frequent basis and they cut you off as you clearly don't need the money that badly if you can't spend 10 minutes every two weeks to get $100-500 in your account (depending on where you live and how much money you earn).

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I have experience with exactly what you're talking about. I worked through the end of Highschool part time, and managed to earn the pissy $15K or whatever the threshold is to be considered independent before I was 17. When I left for Uni I was classed as indeendant by Centrelink, parents wages didn't come into the equation

So what you are saying is as per my previous post, you got at least three years of preparation time, so your scenario bears no relationship to mine?

 

I know that substance-bashing is a favored sport around here, but I'll tell you this my friend. On discovering I might be without a roof in 5 days, which is fully 0.004% of the amount of time you had to prepare for your situation, I explored every option. The only one available to me was to put my degree on hold and find a higher paying job. Two weeks before exams, that means fails on every current subject.

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