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hulkster

Grudges. Do you keep them?

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holding grudges is pointless

 

the only person that they can irritate is you, and it seems more than a little stupid to waste your precious bodily fluids stewing over the past; i have a strong belief that doing so is a major cause of people getting ill, because festering is bad for you

 

for my own part, i rest easy knowing that everyone is going to die, so there's no need for me to wish them dead, because it's inevitable and either we'll get some divine justice, or not, and either way it won't matter when i'm dead anyway

 

 

 

 

my sister estranged me over a year ago because i failed to visit her when i was in town for a very brief reunion with people i hadn't seen for 20 years (it was a thirty yer reunion of graduation); who did i run into at the airport on the way to leave ?

i could have looked away and she would have been blissfully ignorant, but i said hello because i wasn't actively avoiding her, i was having a once in a lifetime visit to my old home town without any family contact because i really needed the time out for personal reasons

 

despite aplogising for offending her sensitivities, she shunned several approaches and was mortally put out that i hadn't even called while i was in town

 

unfortunately she neglected to acknowledge that i was the only one to spontaneously ring her from interstate, and knowing that i wouldn't have time to catch up, i figured a local phone call is no better than a distant one and i had more pressing things i wanted to do

 

 

as my last living close relative (apart from my kids), i can't really see that avoiding me for the rest of her life makes any sense, but it's not like i miss her - but i am a bit incredulous for the pathetic reason she uses, although it's really just her longstanding sibling jealousy getting the leverage she desired

 

this from the woman who as a teenager who told me when our dad died quite young "i wish you had died instead" , notably because she treated him pretty poorly as an adolescent and never really made it up to him

 

but a grudge ? why bother... my opinion of her won't change her, and there's plenty of other things that actually require some effort which will be more useful

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I try not to, but I do.

 

I worked at a place where there was lots of backstabbing, blaming and terrible micro management.

 

One of the team members was reported to have been badmouthing me to anyone who cared to listen, I chalked it up to him being jealous of my taking over a lot of his responsibilities since he had been moved into a less technical role.

 

I got shitty at first, then I got over it, started trying to be nice to him, including him on tasks and conversations to help him feel part of the team and useful... His shit stopped for a while, then it started again, but then our boss got shit canned and we all got mad.

 

I stuck it out for a couple of months, then got pushed into a role and duties I never signed on for, so I walked.

 

I am now in my third week at a company where I am valued, respected and have a great team with me who are all a pleasure to work with.

 

Long story short, holding grudges just got me worked up to boiling point and angry enough to quit.

I changed my attitude, took a break and found a place where grudges aren't needed.

Edited by lunchbox1988

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Try not to hold grudges. But I will admit this. There is one person I truly hate. A mother who I dated for a while who (either herself, or one of her boyfriends. whatever) beat her child and blamed me. I had to go through the legal process of that crap.

 

Which is why I'm making more noise in the Bill Shorten thread.

 

I was accused of beating a child. (9months old). I *know* I didn't do it. But a mothers word counts for lots. So I was accused and it went to court.

 

Awesome huh?

 

However? Grudge? I just don't want to talk to her or deal with her. I would happily embrace and welcome the child though. She was awesome.

 

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Always pays to keep your options open Betzie :)

 

 

/...ahah wiggly red lines are back ! PZO ftw :D

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It's interesting because people often say I'm too forgiving, too nice and naive. I do forgive easily for a lot of things, we all fuck up. I'm no stranger of a fuck up myself.

 

Big things are different though, and yes I do hold grudges when I'm particularly hurt or offended beyond a reasonable scale.

 

I didn't speak to my dad for nearly 10 years. After my parents divorced, he went really weird and become an arsehole. He remarried an awful woman who I have since learned used to abuse him, so whatever she said, goes. I had to sleep in the corner of the main thorough fair outside the garage and the laundry downstairs at their house. It was cold and no privacy at all. The other kids got bedrooms though, her kids were well looked after, bedrooms each. My real brother was even allowed a room but not me.

 

After a string of incidents deteriorating our relationship, including one on NYE one year... Dad and bitch face cunt were hosting a party at their place on NYE. I was the oldest of the kids present (the older of her kids were old enough to drive, so weren't home. I wasn't).

 

The kids at the party wanted to take a walk to the beach to watch the 9pm fire works, I didn't want to go but dad and bitch face cunt asked me to please take them down. I said ok fine. So we were at the beach when suddenly dad rocks up half hour later demanding we go home right now. Confused, we go back. When we get back, dad and bitch face cunt put in a show worthy of a Oscar in front of the party guests. Bitch face cunts daughter had a school friend over and her mum arrived to pick her up. She wasn't happy about her daughter being out unsupervised so instead of being a man and saying sorry we sent our eldest out to take them,money threw me under the bus and yelled at me in front of everyone saying how dare I leave the house and endanger all the kids like that!!

 

I was like what?? And they yelled and screamed putting on a good show, parents of the year! Then they grounded me and sent me to the garage for the rest of the night, to show what good parents they are.

 

I couldn't fucking believe it. Man the fuck up, betrayed. The younger kids thought if was so funny, they teased me and laughed and said sucked in. I nearly punched them in the face I was so mad! So I looked like the worst person ever, and other parents were "disgusted" at me for endangering their kids. I was told to take them!

 

Anyway, more incidents like this happened over many years, so as soon as I turned 18 I had nothing further to do with dad or that bitch faced cunt.

 

They have since divorced and dad has apologised. It doesn't change the past and I struggle to move on. I have tried to, especially for our wedding to have him included and part of it but I still struggle. It's like... I just can't let it go.

 

That's my major problem, letting things go. If I let it go, it's like I'm saying what they did is ok. That they were right or something. It's a cycle, I need to hear an apology and have them mean it to move forward. But it's hard when so much time was lost and can't be rebuilt. It's part of who I am now, I don't really know my dad and didn't have a dad in my life for a fair majority of my time. I have issues because of it all, they don't magically go away just because someone says sorry.

 

I just can't let shit go. It's really my down fall. Yet people say im too forgiving and naive. Ha! Such a contradiction, I don't know who the fuck I am.

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People all too easily dismiss grudges as inherently bad behaviour, but that's like saying an evil hammer can never build a nice house. A ridiculous viewpoint that few people truly believe.

 

Think of all the good things accomplished by people driven by powerful grudges (Hitler, Catholics, Muslims, Tony Bennett). Imagine how pitiful modern gaming would be without grudges, past and present. Nobody wants that.

Edited by i_am_banned2

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Grudges produce good fights for people to watch. Where would a good ole' Grudge Match be without a Grudge?

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I don't know what your mom did, Hulks, but it sounds like it was a one-off thing, rather than an ongoing thing.

Yeah it was Nich. In my eyes a pretty nasty thing. It involves her letting my sister bury her two dead babies with our nan, then a month later demanding the babies be dug up and taken out of nans grave. A fair bit more to it but you get the idea. She is just a nasty piece of work. And the arsehat she married doesn't help any chance of reconciliation.

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Man I'm not even going to go there...I dont know who i'd unintentionally insult first!

 

My gut says 'what kind of crazy digs up a grave; full stop?' but there's more to it as you said..... my mind boggles.

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I don't know what your mom did, Hulks, but it sounds like it was a one-off thing, rather than an ongoing thing.

Yeah it was Nich. In my eyes a pretty nasty thing. It involves her letting my sister bury her two dead babies with our nan, then a month later demanding the babies be dug up and taken out of nans grave. A fair bit more to it but you get the idea. She is just a nasty piece of work. And the arsehat she married doesn't help any chance of reconciliation.

 

 

Bloody heck, yeah, I'm not sure I'd be very forgiving of that.

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Yes!!

I'm a Scorpio so it's in my nature to not only hold grudges but act upon such grudges with vengeance and spite.

 

Nice as pie until crossed.

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Yes!!

I'm a Scorpio so it's in my nature to not only hold grudges but act upon such grudges with vengeance and spite.

 

Nice as pie until crossed.

 

Ignore those stars trying to dictate your nature! Try to let genetics and your enviroment dictate them instead.

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Yeah it was Nich. In my eyes a pretty nasty thing. It involves her letting my sister bury her two dead babies with our nan, then a month later demanding the babies be dug up and taken out of nans grave. A fair bit more to it but you get the idea. She is just a nasty piece of work. And the arsehat she married doesn't help any chance of reconciliation.

 

 

That's pretty shitty, but it was a long time ago. I find it a lot easier to forgive, or at least get over/move on from, single incidents. It's when there's a pattern of ongoing bs that I throw up my arms and give up.

 

I guess for me, I would look at it not in terms of you and your mother, but your kids and their grandmother. Do you want them to know here via anything other than your hearsay?

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Yes!!

I'm a Scorpio so it's in my nature to not only hold grudges but act upon such grudges with vengeance and spite.

 

Nice as pie until crossed.

 

Ignore those stars trying to dictate your nature! Try to let genetics and your enviroment dictate them instead.

 

 

*shudder*

Starsigns are fun to read..... never to quote or actually USE. Come on man!

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I find star sign personality traits to be pretty spot on. I don't subscribe to daily horoscope predictions though, but the personality traits are uncanny.

 

You get a few exceptions to the norm though, as with anything. Not everyone can be pigeon holed.

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I don't think I hold grudges, I try not too as it only results in me being angry etc.

 

I try my best to forgive, the down side is that I do not ever really trust the person who wronged much.

 

Family is the worst, I do not have much to do with my 2 brothers partly because we don't have much in common, partly because my younger brother is a dick and I can't stand his wife and they create no end of trouble for me running to mum & dad if I even look sideways at them, partly because my older brother has had to move back home with my parents, he's in his mid-late 40's.

 

Writing the previous sentence I came to the conclusion that I probably have a bit of a grudge with my younger brother because I honestly feel that I would be justified in punching the piss out of him next time I see him, having said that in reality for myself, wife and kids I'd probably just talk politely to him and move on, no point wasting time and energy on it really, I don't trust my brother but I'd probably still help him out if he needed it.

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Most definitely, although I don't dwell on them and will move on quickly. But I never forget.

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Yes!!

I'm a Scorpio so it's in my nature to not only hold grudges but act upon such grudges with vengeance and spite.

Nice as pie until crossed.

 

Ignore those stars trying to dictate your nature! Try to let genetics and your enviroment dictate them instead.

*shudder*

Starsigns are fun to read..... never to quote or actually USE. Come on man!

But... but... but, yeaah I know.

Although I did stumble across one the other day and it was spot on, not really just generalised bullshit either.

 

I'd never live my life by them ,just find some of them interesting.

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On the radio, every morning when I drive into work we get some half arsed astrologer. I make it my goal for the day to try and twist as many events as possible to "Fit the reading". My record is 32 events in 1 day.

 

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Hulkster, haven't really sad spoken to my father in 30 years, not planning on it ever

 

Apart from that, I have a live and let live attitude

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I find star sign personality traits to be pretty spot on. I don't subscribe to daily horoscope predictions though, but the personality traits are uncanny.

 

You get a few exceptions to the norm though, as with anything. Not everyone can be pigeon holed.

 

This video might interest you.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AyTbLqSBfI

 

 

Yeah I have seen that before, I love Penn and Teller :)

 

I see what they are saying, definately in the daily predictions they make such generalised comments and assumptions that can really apply to anyone. It's flippant too. Thats why I take no notice of that. That video is pretty much why I dont take notice of those daily predictions.

 

But for the personality traits, everyone is going to think they are wonderful and will easily take on the good traits with pride, as you saw in that video. "yes that's sooo me!!" But what about the negative traits, people dont easily jump to claim those, so making a self assessment is pretty inaccurate because it more than likely will not be a true representation, you need someone else to make an observation and unbiased judgement to include any negative traits.

 

What I find uncanny is other people's traits being so spot on to their star sign. I dont take it as an exact science, I know it is not a science. But it is very interesting sometimes! For instance, I am a Leo, and apparently Virgos and Tauruses dont get along with me very well. My dad is a taurus and we were estranged for nearly 10 years. My mum is also a Leo and dad and her divorced. My step mother was a Virgo and we didnt get along at all. Juggs' ex wife is a Virgo, ill let you guess how good our relationship is!

 

All that is circumstantial, but it is kind of funny and something I have noticed and have been amused by. Of course, I have friends who are Virgos and Taurus so as I said, it is not an exact science and I know that - but something fun to refer to. Obviously I dont make decisions based on it and I dont pick and choose my friends over it either haha.

 

Juggs is surrounded by Leo women. Im a Leo, my mum is a Leo and his daughter is a Leo. You ask him what he thinks about Leos :P He doesnt treat astrology as an exact science either, but we are all very similar and react the same way to things, differently to other relatives. Again, circumstantial, but it is interesting. I completely get you and agree with you st8smn.

 

Additionally, my grandma is Chinese and she is very much into the Chinese horoscope, and so is all of my family. We all know each others Chinese signs and again, the traits are there and we find it amusing. We celebrate Chinese New Year every year and if its one of our animal "years", we celebrate it. Its just what we do. Not like a religion though.

Edited by CheekyChops

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Yeah I have seen that before, I love Penn and Teller :)

 

I see what they are saying, definately in the daily predictions they make such generalised comments and assumptions that can really apply to anyone. It's flippant too. Thats why I take no notice of that. That video is pretty much why I dont take notice of those daily predictions.

 

But for the personality traits, everyone is going to think they are wonderful and will easily take on the good traits with pride, as you saw in that video. "yes that's sooo me!!" But what about the negative traits, people dont easily jump to claim those, so making a self assessment is pretty inaccurate because it more than likely will not be a true representation, you need someone else to make an observation and unbiased judgement to include any negative traits.

 

What I find uncanny is other people's traits being so spot on to their star sign. I dont take it as an exact science, I know it is not a science. But it is very interesting sometimes! For instance, I am a Leo, and apparently Virgos and Tauruses dont get along with me very well. My dad is a taurus and we were estranged for nearly 10 years. My mum is also a Leo and dad and her divorced. My step mother was a Virgo and we didnt get along at all. Juggs' ex wife is a Virgo, ill let you guess how good our relationship is!

 

All that is circumstantial, but it is kind of funny and something I have noticed and have been amused by. Of course, I have friends who are Virgos and Taurus so as I said, it is not an exact science and I know that - but something fun to refer to. Obviously I dont make decisions based on it and I dont pick and choose my friends over it either haha.

 

Juggs is surrounded by Leo women. Im a Leo, my mum is a Leo and his daughter is a Leo. You ask him what he thinks about Leos :P He doesnt treat astrology as an exact science either, but we are all very similar and react the same way to things, differently to other relatives. Again, circumstantial, but it is interesting. I completely get you and agree with you st8smn.

 

Additionally, my grandma is Chinese and she is very much into the Chinese horoscope, and so is all of my family. We all know each others Chinese signs and again, the traits are there and we find it amusing. We celebrate Chinese New Year every year and if its one of our animal "years", we celebrate it. Its just what we do. Not like a religion or a way of life or anything.

 

 

Interestingly, the star signs have shifted since they were first devised, so the predictions don't even match any more. :P

 

What you describe sounds like confirmation bias. But as you say, for entertainment purposes, it doesn't really matter.

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