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hulkster

Grudges. Do you keep them?

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How long is long enough to keep a grudge?

I haven't spoken to my mother in 18 years, she has never met either of my kids.

I won't go into details but a long time ago she did something that I found pretty bloody awful.

I doubt I will speak to her again, ever. She is now 78.

 

I see it happen here too. People hold grudges for all sorts of reasons. They block/ignore posts not because of the content but because of the person behind the content.

I'm curious as to other peoples thoughts on holding a grudge. Do you? Don't you? Life's too short to?

 

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Depends on what.

 

I have one story where a long lost 'best' friend arranged to meet me (and didnt show). For 3 days he did this.

Until one day an 'enemy' who lived with this friend phoned me, and explained this 'friend' was making times, and getting stoned and laughing about some guy (me) sitting alone in a food court for someone who wont show up.

He bumped into me a few years later.... I wouldn't even give him time of day. Still wouldn't.

Best friend for 6+ years, inseparable, and that's how he ends it.

 

 

 

When it comes to direct family? I can imagine distancing myself from them, but never cutting contact. They have 20+ years of GOOD parenting, it would take something akin to murder of my loved ones to undo that much good.....

 

 

Getting all 'up in your business' Maybe anonymously post her a picture of the kids with 'grandkids' on the back?

its like.... lowering the guards but keeping the drawbridge up. Maybe you'll see how much she'll sacrifice try to cross? or maybe she wont.

You never know. Regret is way worse than anger. Its clearly on your mind, mentioning age and relationship to the person.

Go on man :)

Edited by Master_Scythe

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I don't hold grudges, stuff doesn't bother me more than a couple of days really.

 

As for blocking/ignoring people on a forum, that isn't really a grudge, it could be done because you just don't want to deal with the shit they post.

 

 

I will avoid/not see people if they'll trigger something in me.

 

 

 

I've got a cousin who's wife 'swore' I believe she said "damn" one day while cleaning the dishes at his parents house, his parents gave him a choice of her or them. He hasn't seen his parents for 20+ years now.

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see? Tha's jus' silly!

Parents and him!

 

They were nutjob overreacting, and even though it SHOULD be their job, he should have at least fronted up once more and said 'we're still together, can you accept that?'

 

I think 2 movies as a kid taught me the value there.

Mary Poppins, and Planes Trains and Automobiles (dont watch this as an adult :P)

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I don't usually hold grudges that long, but if someone consistently annoys me I'll avoid them. There's not enough time in life to reconcile every relationship. Sometimes moving on and waiting for them to mature in their own time is the best thing to do.

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It really depends on what they've done.

 

I've kept some grudges for years now and i don't think they are likely to ever change but i just avoid those people now.

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Yes I keep them. I don't know why I can't let it go. There's a guy here at work that does stuff that one day was unwilling to bend a little bit that would be a 5 minutes task on his side and as a result I worked back an extra 2 hours on a Friday night and missed Tae Kwon Do with my daughter. Not only was I annoyed at missing TKD, my daughter was upset with me because she had to miss it too. Prior to this incident he and I were "mates", we'd go riding together during lunch and when not riding we'd go out and grab a bite and chat.

 

It just pissed me off so much that night and into the weekend (pissed me off too because I'm the head of development and he's a sys admin - albiet answerable to a different boss). When I came back to work on the Monday I just didn't feel like talking to him. Two months later and I still just don't feel like talking to him on any level, especially socially. I'm not trying to do this, it's just like something broke and it can't be fixed. Not sure if that's a grudge.

 

Regardless, my wife tells me I definitely hold a grudge. I know I do.

 

Life's too short to risk someone elses bullshit over and over :)

Edited by kikz

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Holding grudges is bad for your gall bladder and liver....I shit you not. Forgive and move on, for your owns sakes if not for theirs.

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I'd like to think I don't hold grudges, but unfortunately I guess I do. I got jumped by a gang when I was about 18 and they smooshed my nose with their fists. I thought it was old news and that I had let it go almost immediately after the event, but I caught myself day dreaming about swinging a surprise hammer in the gang leaders face last week. It doesn't chew me up, but I just thought it was old news, a bit disapointed in myself for evening thinking about it.

 

As for old friends / family, if you don't enjoy their company for whatever reason, why endure it? As long as you aren't being the jerk and you've tried to resolve a problem and it still doesn't work, just move on, leave them behind.

Edited by fabman_uk

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I keep grudges. Not always and I can get over them, but I do keep them.

 

My ex wife is a case in point. Can't find it in my heart to forgive her for slutting it up. Maybe one day.

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All the effort I see people going to to get one up on some fuck who has annoyed them some how makes me think how much better their lives would be if they used that energy to do something positive or productive.

 

So no, not really. I don't see the point in holding grudges. It's a waste of time and does achieves more than raising your blood pressure.

 

-X

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I don't think so, it seems like a lot of effort to properly maintain a grudge and I'm just waaaay to lazy for that.

 

I do use the ignore feature on forums/social media but that's only a few clicks and doesn't really feel like holding a grudge just a simple method of filtering out crap.

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Yeah, previously I held grudges for quite a long time. Unfortunately pride seems to be one of my biggest flaws, and if I perceive myself to have been humiliated or betrayed it cuts me deeply. Probably doesn't help that I hold myself to very high standards and hold everyone else to the same. Weirdly I could let go all the bullying I got in high school because I understood it wasn't inherently malicious, but in my adult years I took being wronged very hard.

 

I'm trying to get better though. I have no real wish to be the guy who simmers on ill will for months, years on end, because ultimately that's kind of like drinking poison and hoping the other guy drops dead. By allowing yourself to feel negative emotions due to grudges you're effectively giving the other person power over you. Only way to come out a winner is to try not to allow it to stick to you. Fortunately I spent a few years in the complaints department, and that toughens your skin something fierce, so it's far easier for me to let things go than it used to be.

 

I block and ignore, but nowadays it's not out of any sense of grudge or dislike so much as it is not wanting to deal with a particular person's shit.

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No. I don't. It's one of the things I like about myself.

 

I like to give people 2nd chances - in the same way I would hope that others would give me a second chance.

 

I'm not dumb about it though. If someone is a particular way, a particular type of personality, well, then that is them. No point in holding a grudge about it, but I'm not stupid enough to hang around and make the same mistake of trusting them if they haven't made some attempt at an apology or at least communication of what happened. It's just simply smart to draw lines sometimes.

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I don't normally do grudges, but after too many times on the roundabout, I just stop bothering.

 

If I have my way, I'll never speak to my mother's partner again, and he'll never ever meet my step-kids/potential future kids/etc. I don't consider it a grudge, I just have no more time for their drama, and at that age, it'll never change.

 

For the past year or two I just tried to shrug it off whenever he did or said something stupid, but lately I just don't have the patience. More and more, I'm finding that if he fucks me over, I'm more than happy to return the favour, rather than turning the other cheek.

 

I don't know what your mom did, Hulks, but it sounds like it was a one-off thing, rather than an ongoing thing.

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Don't do grudges. Just generally reduce the amount of time I have for those that really don't deserve it. As far as family goes though, I'll always give them another chance. I'd hate to lose someone I cared about whilst I was at odds with them.

 

My younger sister is a right pain, she has done many things that would justify me severing ties with her, but I don't have the patience for all the crap that a feud with her would entail, and I love her kids and severing ties would greatly reduce the amount I got to see them. I don't put myself out for her anymore, but she still gets an invite to any get together I organise.

 

Life's just too short for grudges and hatred tends to hurt the hater more than the hated.

Edited by BeDLaM#29

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Yes I hold grudges. But they never come into my thoughts of my own doing. If I see someone I hold a grudge against, I think to myself of what a fucking tool they are, and move on.

 

I don't forgive nor forget. That doesn't mean I'm a powder keg waiting to blow though. There a shit ton of things to be angry about in this world, so I've learnt to live with that knowledge in peace.

 

"I'm a walking contradiction..." - Green Day.

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Mostly. I tend to forgive the majority, forget only the minor but if you do something I consider to be egregious and don't apologise then fuck you now and forever.

If it's beyond the pale then apologies are meaningless, there are two people that I honestly don't know what I'd do if I ever saw them again.

The older I get, the less tolerant of arsehattery, fuckwittery and complete and utter bastardry I become.

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I did. I don't.

 

All that keeping them did was poison my own life - the subject of the grudges never gave a shit, and in at least one case kinda got off on it. Well, fuck them! Now when people do something that would once have earned a grudge, they get erased from memory.

 

It's amazing how restful the inside of my head is, now. ;)

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I don't keep grudges. I nurture and grow them until they take on a life of their own. That's when they tell me things. Tell me to do things.

  • Like 3

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Oh I don't sit here festering. I moved from their sphere of influence. Once, a number of years ago they came within an hours

travel distance from me and were too cowardly to come closer.

 

I don't absolutely adore every aspect of my present, however it's pretty healthy for me and I'm very happy with those I now relate to.

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