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SnowSquirrel

The one that got away

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So I've been nostalgic the past few days, reading all my old pm's, looking up old threads. Simpler times. I joined the forums when I was probably 14 or 15 years old...which is a heck of a long time ago.

 

But the downside of the nostalgia dives, is I've been reminiscing about long lost love. The young simple giddy love.

 

The pesky one that got away. Or rather, I chased away and sabotaged and never gave a chance. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with where I am. But I can't help beating myself up just a little bit about the way I conducted myself. I never thought I'd be 'worth' him, so I just ended up fucking up the opportunities I was given. And I was certainly given more opportunities than I deserved.

 

He'll probably never read this, or if he does, he probably won't know I'm talking about him. But it's better that way....to be cryptic. Life moves on and no matter how much you want to go back in time and seize the day, you can't.

 

So how about you guys, eh? Do you have an elusive one? Do you ever feel just a little bit sad about it?

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Numerous - most are long lost memories, maybe a few are previous regrets that I later changed my mind about and glad didn't happen.

Previous GF if I can even bother to call her that, did the dirty on me almost 5 years ago. Barely had a conversation since. She attempted to apologize last year and admittedly I dragged up some shit that was barely relevant so she walked out. I went on a tirade and called her some pretty bad names, we've not talked since.

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Posted (edited)

Yep. Looking back on it I was served a good dose of instant karma for being a douche-bag. My memory has them as a decent person who definitely deserved better than the snobby little bitch that I was. <at that time, some of that was real and some of it was an immature response from me trying to deal with the fact that a really nice person seemed to like me ... until they didn't.

First lesson I learnt was to filter what came out of my mouth, or at least attempt to. Now though I'm doing my best to remove the filter again.

Am I sad about it ? sort of, but not really I suppose. I'm not sure there is anyone who would allow me to be me as much as the person who shares my life now. I don't think I'm so snobby now ;)

Edited by eveln

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Just one for me. I made other decisions, and for years I questioned whether it was all ok. Took a really long time to get over it, ashamed to say just how long... seven years. It's all ok now though. I can see in hindsight that if I had dragged her along on my path, it would have been rather difficult for her, and she seems happy in her own life now. I'm both pleased for her, and glad that I made the decisions I did, even though it sucked.

 

As I go along, I find that I place less importance on romantic relationships, which is a good thing. Desire causes me all manner of grief.

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So how about you guys, eh? Do you have an elusive one? Do you ever feel just a little bit sad about it?

No.

 

There have been people that I now feel badly about having treated the way I did. Teenagers are renowned for their compassion and thoughtfulness, however, so I can understand why - even if I know now (or even immediately after doing it) that those actions were wrong.

 

It's more than a little odd to me that I can often pick up when people online are feeling a bit blue, but seem to have a yawning chasm where my own emotions are supposed to be. I never have felt emotionally attached to anyone, as far as I can figure. Physically attracted, sure - my hormones still work - but nothing else. There are people I like being with at the time I'm with them, but I'm quite happy to sit on my with a keyboard or a book, too.

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Yup... The very reason I'm up here in Blighty is because she went and married someone else....

 

However... Life and its directions is a funny old thing.

 

31st Anniversary today.. And 3 grown daughters. Made me the man I am !

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All of them. For some reason I feel sad about everything single one - whether it was an intense long relationship that ended in disaster, or a drunken one night stand. Whether it was my fault or whether it was her fault. I want to collect them all before all the bad stuff happened and give each of them the perfect life.

 

But, I'm just a bozo with no super powers.

 

On the other hand, I'm happy with where I am too. If things hadn't worked out the way they did I wouldn't be here where I am now. So, am I weird for wanting it all, even thought it's mutually exclusive?

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only one... she died in a car accident over a third of a century ago, and i miss her almost every day quite considerably

 

but at the time she was lost to me, we had been together for over a year and it was still getting better all the time; she was gorgeous, creative, clever, vivacious, petite and probably even naughtier than i was, in a good way, and she adored me

 

 

 

a few decades on might have been a different story, but losing a soul mate on the ascendant is not something i would wish on anyone else :(

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Posted (edited)

One from high school.

 

Tall gorgeous redhead. We were friends but I never asked her out basically because she dated jocks who were two heads taller than me, and I just figured I was not her type, so why try?

 

A decade later, were both married and lost touch, I meet her randomly and she tells me she really liked me and never understood why I never asked her out :)

 

Lesson well learned: always try

Edited by Leonid
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A decade later, were both married and lost touch, I meet her randomly and she tells me she really liked me and never understood why I never asked her out :)

 

Lesson well learned: always try

Yeah but ... why didn't she ask you out ?

 

As with my lost opportunity, it's a two way thing. If he had really truly thought well of me, he might have seen beyond my stupid behaviour, but he didn't. As with your redhead, she could just as easily made the effort .

This is why I don't feel that sad about it not lasting. I feel sad about my woeful behaviour of that time.

 

You're right tho, with the " always try " bit.

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Well... thats an interesting question and I guess well never know.

 

Either way, ancient history. It was like two decades ago...

 

Always try has worked well for me. I liked a Russian girl I met in Thailand and moved heaven and Earth to get her here. $45k+ later, we have two gorgeous girls.

 

Ive got exactly what I want :)

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Posted (edited)

" Ive got exactly what I want :)"

 

My comment wasn't supposed to be an interesting question ;) it was supposed to assert that what both you and I ended up with was pretty much as it should be, otherwise it would not be :)

Edited by eveln

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Either way, ancient history. It was like two decades ago...

 

 

hahaha

 

you young people of today and your expanded sense of relativity, you make us old fogies crack up

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Yeah but ... why didn't she ask you out ?

My comment wasn't supposed to be an interesting question ;)

o.O

 

You have an interesting way of framing statements. I can quite understand Leo's confusion, considering the interrogative.

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Yeah but ... why didn't she ask you out ?

My comment wasn't supposed to be an interesting question ;)

o.O

 

You have an interesting way of framing statements. I can quite understand Leo's confusion, considering the interrogative.

 

Leo's referring to a time in the year 1998. Girls have been known to ask out a person of interest to them since like forever ... well at least in the last four decades anyway. I think she's a teaser of no lasting benefit ;)

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Posted (edited)

Do you have an elusive one?

Yes and no.

 

Always try has worked well for me. I liked a Russian girl I met in Thailand and moved heaven and Earth to get her here. $45k+ later, we have two gorgeous girls.

I still remember you posting about meeting her way back in the day. At the time I read to me as a bit of a holiday crush. Its really awesome to see how wrong I was.

 

...

Where are you these days? I think its been 4 years since we last met, and I'm sorry we didn't hang out more.

 

Rob.

Edited by robzy

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robzy ! time out from counting money, to regress with the recidivists... maybe you're the one that got way ?

 

nice to see you here


ew... i just read that and felt a bit kevin spacey

 

 

didn't mean it to sound like i was hot for you

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a few decades on might have been a different story, but losing a soul mate on the ascendant is not something i would wish on anyone else :(

 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that. What you're describing is rare enough but to have it all taken away... Is the old adage true about it's better to have love and lost? Or is that basically bullshit?

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robzy ! time out from counting money, to regress with the recidivists... maybe you're the one that got way ?

 

nice to see you here

ew... i just read that and felt a bit kevin spacey

 

 

didn't mean it to sound like i was hot for you

 

Currently a solo startup founder. So I'm busy counting the money I don't have :P And, me being SS's one that got away? Nope. I know SS well enough to know she can can do far better than me.

 

And, just to be clear, I'm not a 13 year old any more :P

 

Rob.

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Posted (edited)

 

 

...

Where are you these days? I think its been 4 years since we last met, and I'm sorry we didn't hang out more.

 

Rob.

 

 

Hey Rob. Likewise! I've been pretty slack getting in contact with people whenever I've been in Japan the last few years... once I get over there, I usually spend what scant time I can get with my girlfriend. I'll be in Tokyo for a week or so this September, if you're still there? Very much looking forward to hearing tales. I'm in Melbourne these days.

Edited by komuso

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only one... she died in a car accident over a third of a century ago, and i miss her almost every day quite considerably

 

but at the time she was lost to me, we had been together for over a year and it was still getting better all the time; she was gorgeous, creative, clever, vivacious, petite and probably even naughtier than i was, in a good way, and she adored me

 

 

 

a few decades on might have been a different story, but losing a soul mate on the ascendant is not something i would wish on anyone else :(

Disturbingly similar to my own situation back in '74. I was engaged to the most marvelous girl who was on work experience in the U.S. I was in the U.K.

 

In Atlanta she was smeared up against bridge parapet by some drunken trucker, died instantly.

 

In those days it took me a few days to even find out, never been near Atlanta since.

 

Perhaps it explains my sequence of future relationships, never found her again, should never have expected to, she was a one-of-a kind....

 

Cheers

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I spoke to her less and less over the years - or rather, the replies were more and more infrequent.

One week, we were joking about her turning 21 again, the next, she was dead.

I feel sad every time I think of her, or am reminded of her. I regret not taking more time to spend with her. Meeting most of her close her friends for the first time at her wake was not conducive to staying in touch with them, or being comfortable enough to reminisce without it getting depressing. I regret not knowing her well enough by that point to know one way or the other if there was foul play, or she took her own life.

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a few decades on might have been a different story, but losing a soul mate on the ascendant is not something i would wish on anyone else :(

 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that. What you're describing is rare enough but to have it all taken away... Is the old adage true about it's better to have love and lost? Or is that basically bullshit?

 

 

 

that's impossible to answer with any certainty

 

i expect that perhaps time dulls the sparkle of all things, but then i have had elderly couples as patients where it is quite obvious they are still very much in love, in a sedate but sincere way, after well over half a century together

 

 

there's the magic of having been there, and the indelible memory of shared experience which is so precious to have, and then there's the shittiness of persistently remembering how much you don't have it any more, even though i am constantly sharing the events of the rest of my life with her memory as if she is still there, because i am well aware of what her response would have been to nearly all of them, and it somehow feels that realisation keeps her alive, in my thoughts

it's a bitter-sweet joy to love a memory

 

i still recall quite clearly my best effort to describe the feeling when she died, which was "like the earth opened up and swallowed half of me"

 

 

i quite truly believe that all people are like a ripple in the universe, and sometimes that disturbance is so in synch that it creates resonance that persists like a standing wave, for a very long time, possibly longer than our personal existence

 

there is one other person with whom i share such a certain telepathic ability that it would be dismissed as delusional by formal assessment... and interestingly the common ingredient is a degree of love that transcends being together... she's not so much one that got away, but more one that never got together

 

 

and the luck of hitting that sweet spot twice in a lifetime is already beyond the good fortune many people seem to hit in a life time

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