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Relaxin, time :D

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"Betty and Tim died in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In heaven, they asked St. Peter if they could still be married.

"Well", he said, looking flustered, " let me find out if this is possible, stay here, and I'll be right back".


Six months passed and finally Peter returned.

"Yes", he said with a smile, "we can do this for you".


The couple looked a bit sheepish.

" Seeing as we spent so much time waiting, we need to know that if things don't work out, can we be divorced ?"


An irritated frown crossed St. Peter's face. "It took me six months to find a priest up here, how long do you think it' going to take for me to find a lawyer ?! "



C/o my work mag.

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Posted (edited)

Travelling in the same cabin on a train were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old lady, and a good looking young lady.


The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand print on his cheek.


No one speaks.


The old lady thinks:
"The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek."


The young lady thinks:
"that Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek."


The Kiwi thinks:
"that Aussie bloke must have groped the young check in the dark. She tried to slep hem but messed and got me instead."


"The Australian thinks:
"I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can slap that Kiwi again!"


Edited by Rybags
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Only old ones it seems:


A girl meets a Scotsman wearing a kilt and asks him if it's true they go commando under there.


"Well lassie, why d'ya neigh find oot?"


So she puts her hand under his kilt.


"Oh, that's gruesome" she says.


"Ay lassie  an' if'n ya keep doin' that it will gruesome more... "



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a rabbi and a priest are travelling, and the conversation turns to religious differences, and the priest asks the rabbi "is it true you aren't allowed to eat pork?"


"yes" replies the rabbi


"but have you ever?" presses the priest


"well, in my younger days i did try it" replies the rabbi, and the priest barely hides a soft snort of disapproval


the rabbi, noting the response, asks "is it true you priests take a vow of celibacy?"


"why yes, we do"


"but in your time before the vows, did you ever ...?" questions the rabbi


with a blush, the priest confides "well yes, i did have some experience"


the rabbi sits back with a big smile


"beats pork, huh ?"

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Holmes is feeling a bit horny one night so summons Watson to his bed chamber for a roll in the hay.


Watson says he just has to go to the bathroom to freshen up, five minutes later he enters Sherlock's room to find him with his cock stuck firmly in a lemon.


"Holmes!" he exclaims, "What is going on here?"



Sherlock replies:  "Lemon entry, my dear Watson!"


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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.

"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."



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