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chrisg

My mother died

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I guess people know that she has been very, very ill for quite a while, yesterday it came to an end.

 

She came home or to the rest home for two nights  last weekend after yet another rush to the hospital then had to be rushed back again.

 

This time the diagnosis came back as acute pneumonia and antibiotics did not dent it.

 

She died quietly, in her sleep essentially at about 6pm yesterday surrounded by most of her immediate family, my brother from outside Port Lincoln arrived about an hour later.

 

With all the drama, essentially since Christmas it will probably take a while to sink in but she gave it a damned good fight right to the end.

 

I can't say I'm cheery but it was a long time coming and she left with no pain.

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Maybe it's better this way, suffering a long lingering death is not what we want. At least she died in her own home not some cold distant nursing home.

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Condolences to you and the family.

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I'm sorry for your loss chrisg.

My condolences to you and your family.

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Well, it was hardly unexpected, she'd been on borrowed time for a while really.

 

Actually she died in hospital J, but although I really doubt she was aware for the last several hours she was surrounded by all of her immediate family bar my brother who came as quickly as he could but was just a little late.

 

It's strange, we've been expecting her to die for over a year but it is still somewhat of a surprise, probably to her as well, one of the last things she said had to do with wondering just when she would get better... The spirit of denial was very strong in her.

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Posted (edited)

My grandma dropped on dead in her sleep in the family house. Mum found her and she didn't respond. My other grandma died a long time ago.

Edited by Jeruselem

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Sincerest condolences Chrisg - thoughts are with you.

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Sorry to hear that mate. Thinking of you and your family.

 

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6 hours ago, chrisg said:

she left with no pain

 

About the best anyone can hope for, really.  Sorry for your loss, man. 😞

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Everyone has their time I guess, although I'm fundamentally completely uninterested in my potential demise, if it happens it happens I'm not planning for it.

 

You are completely right Cybes, after some years of basically being in complete denial and convinced she would get better, with every indicator saying the opposite, she essentially seemed to just come to acceptance in a very short period of time and simply slipped away.

 

I'm really not sure which is better, a sanguine acceptance of mortality or a last minute acceptance but my mother certainly adopted the latter - she fought, every inch of the way until she quite literally lost consciousness in the final few hours.

 

She certainly did not make it easy for us on the outside, not in any way whatsoever. Right up to the last my sister was trying to get her settled in a rest home, which she probably only spent 8 or 9 nights in, my brother bought her yet an even larger television so she could, maybe, see Master Chef as her macro degeneration advanced in the last days.

 

On her last morning in the rest home she rang my sister a total of six times because she could not change the tv channels...before 7am... I guess we knew then she was on the way out then and indeed she was later that day.

 

(It did turn out that the remote had flat batteries, unusual in a new tv, but she had spares sitting right next to her.)

 

Ah well.

 

Now we need to roll back the rest home, move her back out, sort out the incredible amount of stuff she had squirreled away in her last home,  sort out a funeral, put her to rest.

 

Write a eulogy I suppose, although I may not even be asked. It was pretty much common knowledge in the family that she and I rarely saw eye to eye on almost anything but I still looked after her the last five months and kept her from being pushed into a home until literally the last.

 

I do hope she realises or perhaps realised that I did that but it doesn't matter. She was driving my sister insane, I took as much of the load off as I could.

 

She was never an easy person to get along with in my opinion, then again I could cop the same, a shrinking violet she most definitely was not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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my repeated experience is that very sick people often choose when it's time and then die quite surprisingly fast, after being alive and resisting the idea for their entire life, as it were

 

and it's always weird for those left behind to grieve, even when you can tell it's coming

 

 

the most consoling thought i have ever been given when i lost someone i adored was - don't worry about her, she has no pain or fear or worries any more, and then they added quite confrontingly but incredibly accurately - the pain you feel is not for her, but for your own loss

 

 

that's horribly true, and doesn't diminish the sadness, but it certainly puts perspective on the situation

 

 

you'll never forget your mum, but in time you'll remember her more with a smile for the great and lovely things you shared, than with a tear for the end of her days

 

people you love never die while you are still keeping them alive in your heart

 

 

to my mind, the "soul" that the other thread was discussing is the ripple we leave in the universe, and it still reverberates loud and strong after we are gone in anyone that remembers us and smiles wistfully when they feel our presence

 

godspeed, chris

 

i'm not a christian, but there's a little bit of "god" in all of us for the same reason i think, whoever that may be... i suspect it's really just the "miracle" of sentient existence

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I utterly and completely agree Scruffy, except I don't really feel much in the way of sadness at all, more a case of relief that her suffering is at an end and she was able to leave with dignity - the odd example of selfishness like the remote control excepted - we'll be laughing about that for years once all the dust settles.

 

Thanks Mac, I am.

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I feel for you Chris, my thoughts are with you and your family in your time of mourning.

 

My sincerest sympathies.

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I'm kind of inherently averse to saying stuff that sounds at all cliched, so it's tough to come up with anything to say. 

 

Mortality can do your head in... who knows what lies on the other side, even those who've been briefly dead.

 

Funny to think, that if what I figure most likely is actually the case, I'll never know...

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Funeral is confirmed for Friday around noon.

 

Met wit the priest today to essentially finalise, will be keeping it very simple.

 

After thinking about it no, not doing a eulogy, my brother wants to so I'm happy to let him, truth be told he enjoys public speaking a lot more than I do.

 

She was my mother, I loved her but it is difficult to have particularly good memories of her,.I pretty much had to keep half my life away from her to protect her. As strong as she was I do not think she would have understood the path I chose - I'd never have heard the last of it.

 

Anyway, come Friday all committed to memories.

 

i'm not in the least bit religious but somehow it would not surprise me if she is somewhere - just how happy she, or others, might be about that - different story...

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Probably way early to ask but what are your plans insofar as where to live, work etc?

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Not really Ry.

 

Already found a place to live, not ideal but it will do for a few months to a year.

 

I'll be a bit surprised if I am even her much tbh, a bunch of friends are already talking about needing me other places now my obligation to mother is extinguished.

 

Will have to see on that, all somewhat ephemeral today.

 

I'll be staying in S.A. for at least a while, no reason not to, although I must admit it has been a reverse culture-shock in some regards, especially the roads - fucking awful.

 

In truth i don't exactly plan a lot mate, thinks just tend to come up 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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47 minutes ago, chrisg said:

... but somehow it would not surprise me if she is somewhere - ...

Now and then I wonder that about my father. He died in 1999. He liked his pipe and the occasional cigar. He died wanting to live. Travelled with an oxy-tank between the front seats of their car.

He was also a trainer of fighters of fire at a time when people either had no clue, or weighed priorities, or both, as to what certain chemicals would do .

Mostly I don't think he's bothered any more by us here living still, I think he's just gone now.

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*Sigh*

 

True Ev, thing is we will never know, or perhaps more pragmatically report back.

 

 

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